You do not have to agree with someone to learn from them.
Sometimes the greatest thing another person gives us is not a changed opinion—but a glimpse into a life we have never lived.
Before you argue your point, discover the person standing behind theirs.
The other day, I was treated to the talents and passions of two esteemed individuals discussing a controversial subject.
What the subject was really doesn’t matter.
Politics. Taxes. Religion. God. Death. Relationships. Money. Morality. Society.
Give mankind a subject and sooner or later somebody will turn it into an argument.
But I began wondering:
What if the purpose of conversation isn’t always to WIN?
What if sometimes it is simply to KNOW AND BE KNOWN?
MINING GOLD IN OTHERS
Sharing and exploring ideas can enrich everyone involved when done correctly.
Done improperly, the very same conversation can divide people, create resentment and leave everyone farther apart than when they started.
There is gold inside another human being.
Experiences. Lessons. Failures. Victories. Observations. Beliefs. Questions. Wisdom earned the hard way.
But you cannot mine that gold while preparing your next argument.
You have to listen.
KEEPING QUIET ISN’T THE ANSWER
Silence is not what I am suggesting.
Human beings were created to ask, seek, knock, inquire, wonder and yearn.
We SHOULD communicate.
We SHOULD exchange ideas.
We SHOULD challenge ourselves and one another.
But there is a tremendous difference between exploring another person’s thinking and trying to defeat the person who is thinking it.
One produces understanding.
The other produces opponents.
WE DO NOT HAVE TO AGREE
Somewhere along the way we started confusing agreement with respect.
They are not the same thing.
You can disagree with me and still hear me.
I can disagree with you and still respect you.
We can walk away holding the exact same positions we had when we arrived—and still be richer because we encountered one another.
Agreeing is optional. Understanding should not be.
MINE FOR GOLD
When someone shares something important with you, there are actually two discoveries available.
First is the subject itself.
Maybe there is something you never considered.
Maybe there is one little piece of truth hidden inside something you mostly disagree with.
Take the pearl and leave the rest.
But there is another discovery that may be even more valuable:
THE PERSON.
Why does this person believe what they believe?
What happened in their life?
What have they seen that I haven’t?
What are they afraid of?
What do they love?
What are they protecting?
What are they hoping for?
Now we are getting somewhere.
GET TO KNOW THEM
Every person you encounter is carrying an entire lifetime around inside them.
You see the outside.
But behind those eyes are thousands upon thousands of moments you never witnessed.
Childhood. Parents. Heartbreak. Success. Failure. Loss. Love. Fear. Hope. Regret. Dreams. Lessons.
No two collections are exactly alike.
When someone shares sincerely, you are being given temporary admission into that private world.
That is worth something. Treat it accordingly.
DID YOU REALLY KNOW THEM?
I have attended funerals over the years and noticed something that has stayed with me.
When it comes time for people to speak about the deceased, sometimes very little is said.
Or what is said remains on the surface.
And I wonder:
Did anybody really know this person?
We spend years beside people.
We work with them. Eat with them. Live with them. Argue with them.
And sometimes never really ask:
Who are you?
That may be one of life’s quiet tragedies.
TEMPER, TEMPER
Passion is wonderful.
But passion without restraint can become anger.
And anger has a peculiar habit of making the subject less important than winning.
Now nobody is listening.
Both sides are loading ammunition.
The voices rise.
The ears close.
And two people who might have learned something from one another leave carrying nothing but resentment.
What did either person win?
STRENGTH DOESN’T HAVE TO SHOUT
Perhaps one of the greatest tests of character is listening calmly when someone says something completely contrary to what you believe.
You don’t have to surrender your convictions.
Quite the opposite.
If your convictions are sound, why should another person’s words frighten them?
Listen.
Ask.
Explore.
Consider.
Then keep what is worthy and peacefully leave what isn’t.
That requires considerably more strength than shouting somebody down.
GIVE GOOD MEASURE
Try something different the next time you enter a serious conversation.
Instead of asking yourself:
How can I prove my point?
Ask:
What can I learn about this person?
And perhaps even:
What can this person learn about me—not because I forced it upon them, but because I shared myself honestly?
Now something beautiful can happen.
Two people can leave a conversation still disagreeing…
yet knowing one another better.
That is not failure.
That is human connection.
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
https://pearlsforthesoul.com
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