The past can travel into adulthood without asking permission.
But so can truth.
So can caring.
So can help.
And so can healing.
MATURE SHARING AHEAD
Part 1 explored forgiveness and what can happen when resentment becomes a poison apple.
Every bite may keep the original injury active inside us.
But I must clarify something important:
Forgiving does not require pretending the event never happened.
A person may forgive and still remember.
The goal is not always to erase the memory. The goal may be to remove its authority over the present.
A TRUE STORY
A person once shared with me that between the ages of eight and fourteen, they were severely beaten whenever their parents believed they had done something wrong.
The punishment never fit the offense.
The child would be warned that punishment was coming when the father returned home. Then came the countdown—the waiting, the sounds at the door and the rising terror of knowing what was about to happen.
During the abuse, the child learned to go numb.
Feeling nothing became a way to survive something no child should have been required to survive.
When the incident ended, the fear, trembling and pain remained.
That was not discipline.
That was abuse.
And the child carried it forward.
THE PAST TRAVELED INTO ADULTHOOD
Years later, the person began acting out parts of those experiences without realizing where the reactions came from.
Anger.
Payback.
Constant readiness for danger.
Survival thinking.
The child had grown older, but the survival system had not received the message that the danger was over.
This person did not wake up one morning and deliberately choose torment.
The past was repeating itself through reactions developed during the original harm.
Eventually, the person decided to begin healing.
That decision did not change history—but it changed the direction of the future.
WORTHY NOTE: A survival response that once protected someone may later interfere with the life they are trying to build. That does not make the survivor defective. It means an old defense may need new understanding and care.
WHAT SHOULD SOMEONE EXPECT?
Healing is not a stopwatch event.
The person began reclaiming the innocence, safety and identity that abuse had attempted to steal.
Letting go did not mean declaring the incident unimportant.
It meant refusing to remain permanently bound to it.
Reaching that point took time.
Healing took time too.
How long?
Whatever time it takes.
Each person is different.
No one should be shamed because their recovery does not fit someone else’s schedule.
WHEN I WAS A RAPE-CRISIS COUNSELOR
When I worked as a rape-crisis counselor, I encountered women who had been raped or abused at different ages.
The violence could feel like a personal theft of life—replacing safety with misery, fear and loss.
Healing required truth, caring, love and time.
The effects could diminish, but there was no one-size-fits-all process.
After two years of guiding and helping people through these experiences, I needed counseling myself.
I had absorbed too much pain through empathy.
I related deeply to the mistreatment and losses suffered by my fellow like-kind.
Helping others did not make me immune.
Eventually, the helper needed help.
There is no shame in that.
DURING COUNSELING SESSIONS
Sometimes a survivor’s story stirred buried pain in the relatives or other adults present.
A mother, father, brother, sister or aunt might suddenly recognize their own unresolved trauma.
People disclosed that they too had been assaulted, beaten or abused.
One person’s truth opened a door another person had kept closed for years.
Then came the tears.
At times, it became a great wave of weeping and sobbing.
Exhausting?
Yes.
Painful?
Yes.
But what had been held silently was finally receiving acknowledgment.
I never cried so much in my life—and much of it was for others.
WORTHY NOTE: Tears are not the entire healing process, but they may be part of it. Crying can express what words cannot yet carry.
KLEENEX GALORE
Support groups and private recovery programs can provide a protected place for people harmed by abuse and trauma.
During shared discussions, one person’s emotion may awaken another’s.
There may be silence.
There may be tears.
There may be Kleenex galore.
No entertainment.
No judgment.
No demand that someone tell more than they are ready to tell.
Just people recognizing that suffering had isolated them—and discovering that they were no longer alone.
Any physical comfort, including hugging, must always respect each person’s choice and boundaries.
Some people want an embrace.
Others need space.
Both are allowed.
EASY FOR YOU TO SAY?
Entering another person’s suffering is not easy.
Counselors, therapists and support workers do this work repeatedly. Some are more skilled than others, but responsible helpers understand that their discomfort does not compare with what the survivor endured.
Still, helpers can be affected.
They may need supervision, counseling, rest and boundaries of their own.
Receiving help does not disqualify a helper.
It may allow that person to continue helping without becoming lost inside everyone else’s pain.
WORTHY NOTE: Enter trauma-focused counseling or group work when you are ready and with qualified, trustworthy support. Readiness is not weakness. It is part of safety.
FORGIVENESS AND FORGETTING
“Forgive and forget” is often offered as though the two words must arrive together.
They do not always.
A person may forgive while retaining a clear memory of what happened.
That memory may help maintain necessary boundaries and protect against future harm.
Forgiveness does not require reconciliation.
It does not cancel justice.
It does not grant access to someone who remains unsafe.
It may simply mean:
“What you did will no longer determine everything I become.”
That is enough work for one sentence.
PAUSE FOR CAUSE
You survived the event.
Now comes the work of teaching your mind, body and spirit that survival is no longer the only life available.
You are allowed to seek peace.
You are allowed to accept help.
You are allowed to proceed slowly.
WHEW—NOW THAT WE GOT ALL THAT OUT
No one is entirely spared loss, pain or sorrow during this short journey.
Some receive more than others.
Some injuries are so severe that speaking of them requires courage.
Recovery does not make the evil good.
It means the survivor begins creating good in territory evil once occupied.
Truth can replace secrecy.
Care can replace isolation.
Safety can replace constant fear.
Connection can replace shame.
The past may remain part of the story without remaining the author of every new chapter.
PEARLS INSIGHT
Healing is not forgetting what happened.
Healing is remembering that more has happened since—and more life remains possible.
RICHIE SPEAKS
If you need counseling, get counseling.
If you need time, take time.
If you need boundaries, establish them.
If you need to cry, Kleenex galore.
There is no medal for suffering alone.
FINAL SAY
The past can travel.
But healing can travel too.
So can courage.
So can love.
So can the truth that you were never responsible for the harm done to you.
You are not alone.
You are cherished.
You are wanted.
You are loved.
And your story is still being written.
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
https://pearlsforthesoul.com
Been expecting you