Pick one day.
Any day.
And make it the day you find out whether you really know how to LISTEN.
Not stay quiet.
LISTEN.
There is a difference.
Pick a day.
Any day.
And decide that on this particular day…
you are going to PRACTICE LISTENING.
Not merely:
stop talking,
wait for your turn,
or stare politely while somebody else speaks.
No.
I mean LISTEN.
Be attentive.
Make eye contact.
Give the person your attention.
Hear what they are actually saying.
And if appropriate…
ask a question that encourages them to continue.
Now we have something to practice.
I WON’T TALK…
This is where many people begin.
They think:
I WILL JUST KEEP QUIET.
That ought to make me a good listener.
Not necessarily.
LOL.
A rock is quiet.
A wall is quiet.
Neither one is especially good at listening.
Silence is only PART of listening.
More is required.
A listener is:
present,
interested,
aware,
and receiving.
That is very different from simply waiting quietly until it is your turn to speak again.
ARE YOU LISTENING…OR RELOADING?
This is where the test gets interesting.
Some people are not listening while another person speaks.
They are RELOADING.
LOL.
They are preparing:
their answer,
their story,
their correction,
their disagreement,
their advice.
The other person is still talking…
but internally they are thinking:
WAIT UNTIL I TELL YOU THIS.
That is not listening.
That is delayed talking.
PAUSE FOR CAUSE.
Can you hear someone…
without immediately figuring out what YOU are going to say?
That is part of the test.
IT WILL PUSH & PULL
When you deliberately practice listening…
you will notice something happening inside yourself.
A push.
A pull.
An urge to:
comment,
interrupt,
correct,
nod too much,
make a face,
finish the sentence,
or tell your own similar story.
That urge becomes stronger when you deliberately refuse to act on it.
Good.
Now you are seeing the machinery.
LOL.
Do not immediately give in.
Notice it.
Let it arrive.
Let it sit there.
Then let it pass.
You do not have to respond to every impulse to speak.
That discovery alone is valuable.
DO NOT FINISH THEIR SENTENCES
This one is tempting.
Especially when you know the person well.
They start saying something…
and you know EXACTLY where they are going.
So you jump in and finish it.
Maybe you were right.
Maybe you were not.
Either way…
you just took over their sentence.
LOL.
Let them finish.
Even when they take the scenic route.
Sometimes what comes at the end is not what you expected.
And sometimes people discover what they actually think…
while they are saying it.
Give them the room.
THE FACE LISTENS TOO
Your ears are not the only part of you listening.
Your face is participating.
Imagine someone telling you something important…
while you are:
looking at your phone,
checking the room,
watching television,
or appearing impatient.
You may hear every word.
But the other person does not FEEL heard.
That matters.
Eye contact.
Appropriate expression.
Stillness.
Attention.
These things say:
I AM HERE WITH YOU.
No speech required.
IF DONE RIGHT
When genuine listening is received…
people usually know it.
They relax.
They continue.
They may go deeper.
Why?
Because almost everybody wants to be heard.
Not agreed with every time.
HEARD.
There is a difference.
A person who feels heard may even accept disagreement more easily afterward.
Why?
Because they know you at least understood what they were trying to say.
Listening creates room.
And people appreciate room.
ASK QUESTIONS…BUT DON’T INTERROGATE
Questions can improve listening.
Try:
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
THEN WHAT DID YOU DO?
Those invite.
But be careful.
Listening is not a police interview.
LOL.
Too many questions too quickly can make somebody feel examined instead of heard.
Let the conversation breathe.
One good question…
followed by real listening…
can accomplish more than ten rapid-fire questions.
DON’T STEAL THE STORY
Here is another listening thief.
Someone says:
I HAD THE WORST DAY.
You immediately respond:
YOU THINK THAT WAS BAD? LET ME TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED TO ME.
LOL.
Now their story is over.
Yours has taken the stage.
Sometimes sharing a similar experience creates connection.
Fine.
But timing matters.
Let THEIR story have its moment first.
You will get another turn.
Probably.
LOL.
LISTENING DOES NOT REQUIRE AGREEMENT
This is important.
You can listen carefully…
and still disagree.
Listening is not surrender.
It is not saying:
YOU ARE RIGHT.
It says:
I WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING BEFORE I DECIDE WHAT I THINK ABOUT IT.
That is mature communication.
You can say afterward:
I HEAR YOU.
I UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT.
I STILL SEE IT DIFFERENTLY.
Nothing wrong with that.
LISTEN UP
Children love being listened to.
Really listened to.
Ask them something…
then stay around long enough for the answer.
They may wander.
They may take ten minutes to tell a two-minute story.
LOL.
But watch them.
They know when you are genuinely there.
Neighbors appreciate it.
Friends appreciate it.
Spouses appreciate it.
Customers appreciate it.
Employees appreciate it.
Strangers sometimes appreciate it too.
Listening is a form of voluntary giving.
You are giving:
attention,
time,
patience,
space.
And it costs nothing but yourself for a few moments.
THAT may be why it is so valuable.
THE PHONE TEST
Want to make the listening test harder?
Put the phone away.
Not face down on the table.
AWAY.
LOL.
Now listen.
Notice whether part of you starts wondering:
WHO TEXTED?
WHAT DID I MISS?
WHAT TIME IS IT?
That tells you something too.
Full attention has become rare enough that when someone receives it…
they notice.
DO NOT TURN LISTENING INTO A PERFORMANCE
Do not overdo it.
Too much nodding.
Too many:
UH-HUH.
RIGHT.
ABSOLUTELY.
I HEAR YOU.
YES.
YES.
YES.
LOL.
Now you look like you attended a listening seminar yesterday.
Be natural.
The purpose is not to LOOK like a good listener.
The purpose is to actually LISTEN.
BIG DIFFERENCE.
LISTENING CAN CHANGE WHAT YOU THOUGHT
Here is where the reward comes.
If you listen long enough…
you sometimes learn that your original opinion was incomplete.
Maybe you misunderstood.
Maybe there was information you did not have.
Maybe the person meant something different.
Maybe YOU were wrong.
Whoa.
LOL.
That is why listening can be dangerous to ego.
It allows new information in.
But that is also what makes it valuable.
GOOD LISTENERS ARE REMEMBERED
People remember those who listened.
Why?
Because being genuinely heard is unusual enough to stand out.
Think about people you enjoy talking with.
Chances are…
somewhere in that relationship is a feeling that:
THEY HEAR ME.
That creates connection.
A good listener often does not have to work very hard to draw people toward them.
People willingly return.
There is comfort there.
THE ONE-DAY TEST
So here is your challenge.
Pick one day.
For that day:
Do not interrupt.
Let people finish.
Put the phone away during important conversations.
Ask at least one sincere follow-up question.
Do not immediately tell your own matching story.
Notice the urge to speak before acting on it.
Try to accurately understand what the person meant.
Then…
at the end of the day…
ask yourself:
HOW MUCH DID I ACTUALLY HEAR TODAY?
That is the test.
RICHIE SPEAKS
Here is one Richie rule:
Silence does not make you a listener.
Attention does.
Another:
If you are preparing your answer while someone is still talking…
you left the conversation early.
And one more:
Sometimes the best thing you can contribute to a conversation…
is ROOM.
PEARLS FROM THE BOOKS
From the spirit of Pearls for the Soul:
“Attention is one of the purest ways of telling another person they matter.”
From the spirit of God I AM:
“Listening makes room for understanding before judgment arrives.”
From the spirit of It Is Finished:
“Release the need to answer every moment and allow another voice its full turn.”
PEARLS INSIGHT
Effective listening involves more than silence.
It includes:
attention,
comprehension,
patience,
appropriate questions,
and resisting premature responses.
A useful test of listening is whether you can accurately explain what the other person meant…
even when you disagree with them.
Listening improves communication because it reduces:
assumption,
misinterpretation,
and unnecessary conflict.
PEARLS CONNECTION
This connects directly with CAN YOU DISAGREE AND NOT ARGUE?…THIS MUST BE TESTED.
Constructive disagreement begins with hearing the other person accurately.
It also connects with RAPPORT OPENS ALL DOORS…FOR US TO WALK THROUGH.
Listening is one of the strongest foundations for rapport.
And PEOPLE WHO KNOW THEIR BUSINESS TALK TO THE POINT reminds us that good communication requires receiving clearly…
not just speaking clearly.
FINAL SAY
Take the listening test.
One day.
That is all I am asking.
Listen to:
your spouse,
your child,
your friend,
your customer,
your neighbor,
your coworker.
Let them finish.
Do not steal the story.
Do not race toward your answer.
Do not confuse silence with listening.
Give them your attention.
Then watch what happens.
You may discover something about THEM.
You may discover something about the subject.
And…
you may discover quite a bit about YOU.
Are you listening?
LOL.
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
https://pearlsforthesoul.com
Been expecting you