A drink with dinner is one thing.
Using alcohol or drugs to escape yourself is another.
If you repeatedly need something to:
NUMB.
STIMULATE.
FORGET.
ESCAPE.
Then perhaps the substance is not the whole problem.
It may be covering one.
There are people who discover a shortcut.
Not necessarily a good one.
A shortcut around:
Pain.
Anxiety.
Loneliness.
Fear.
Shame.
Stress.
Memory.
Responsibility.
Sometimes even around boredom.
The shortcut?
Change how you feel chemically.
Alcohol.
Drugs.
Misused medications.
Anything capable of altering consciousness can become a way of saying:
I DON’T WANT TO EXPERIENCE THIS THE WAY I AM EXPERIENCING IT.
That deserves attention.
BEFORE WE BEGIN
Let me make several distinctions.
If you responsibly enjoy a glass of wine with dinner or a beer at the barbecue…
This Pearl is not aimed at you.
If you are taking prescribed medication appropriately under medical supervision…
This Pearl is not aimed at you.
I am talking about the point where use becomes:
EXCESSIVE.
COMPULSIVE.
SELF-DESTRUCTIVE.
OR NECESSARY JUST TO GET THROUGH LIFE.
That is a different conversation.
SEDATION
Why would someone deliberately numb themselves?
Good question.
But the answer is not always simple.
Some people drink or use drugs because they want to stop feeling.
For a while.
They want quiet.
Relief.
Distance.
They want the volume of life turned down.
Then the substance works.
Temporarily.
That is part of what makes it dangerous.
A person learns:
WHEN I FEEL THIS…
I CAN TAKE THAT…
AND FEEL SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
Now the brain has discovered a shortcut.
THEN THE SHORTCUT STARTS CHARGING TOLLS
The original problem may still be there.
The stress.
The grief.
The fear.
The unresolved conflict.
The loneliness.
But now another problem has entered the room.
The substance itself.
More needed.
More often.
Higher tolerance.
Poorer judgment.
Missed obligations.
Relationship problems.
Health consequences.
Financial consequences.
Loss of control.
The attempted solution begins producing additional problems.
THERE ARE PEOPLE TRYING TO WAKE UP…
And there are others deliberately trying to become less conscious of their own lives.
Think about that.
People in hospitals are fighting to regain awareness.
Meanwhile another person may deliberately drink until they cannot:
Stand.
Walk properly.
Speak clearly.
Remember.
Stay awake.
That contrast has always struck me.
What pain or need makes unconsciousness look attractive?
That question deserves compassion…
AND INVESTIGATION.
STIMULATION
The opposite can happen too.
Some people do not want to become numb.
They want to become MORE.
More energetic.
More confident.
More social.
More fearless.
More sexually uninhibited.
More productive.
More awake.
Again, substances can temporarily alter the state.
But the question remains:
WHY DO I NEED THIS TO ACCESS A VERSION OF MYSELF?
If you repeatedly need a chemical to become:
Fun.
Confident.
Calm.
Outgoing.
Fearless.
Or emotionally available…
Then perhaps there is something worth understanding underneath that dependence.
THE TEMPORARY FIX
A temporary change in state can feel like a solution.
But temporary relief and actual resolution are not the same thing.
You can numb grief.
You have not necessarily processed grief.
You can suppress anxiety.
You have not necessarily understood the anxiety.
You can chemically increase confidence.
You have not necessarily developed confidence.
The substance changes the moment.
It may not change the underlying condition.
GUILT AND SHAME
People often carry guilt around substance misuse.
Promises broken.
Things said.
Things done.
Embarrassing behavior.
Poor decisions.
Sometimes guilt can be useful if it says:
I DID SOMETHING I NEED TO CORRECT.
But shame says:
I AM WORTHLESS.
That usually makes recovery harder.
The goal is not permanent self-condemnation.
The goal is:
RECOGNITION.
RESPONSIBILITY.
REPAIR.
CHANGE.
BAD CHOICES CAN COMPOUND
One poor choice can create another.
Drink too much.
Say something harmful.
Wake up ashamed.
Drink again to stop thinking about it.
Now the attempted escape has become part of the cycle.
Again.
And again.
Eventually the pattern can begin running almost automatically.
That is why awareness matters early.
ALCOHOL CAN CHANGE BEHAVIOR
I have watched people change noticeably under the influence of alcohol.
Rage.
Crying.
Self-deprecating humor.
Indifference.
Over-sharing.
Repressed resentment.
Impulsivity.
Aggression.
Inappropriate behavior.
But I would be careful about saying alcohol simply reveals the “real person.”
That is too easy.
Alcohol impairs judgment, lowers inhibition, and changes cognition.
It can amplify some emotions and behaviors.
That does not mean every intoxicated action represents a hidden truth waiting to escape.
It means the person’s normal regulatory systems are impaired.
That is serious enough.
WHERE DID THAT PERSON GO?
Still, the contrast can be startling.
Sober:
Controlled.
Reserved.
Predictable.
Intoxicated:
Completely different.
That should raise a question.
Not:
WHO IS THE REAL PERSON?
But:
WHAT HAPPENS TO THIS PERSON WHEN THEIR JUDGMENT AND INHIBITION ARE CHEMICALLY ALTERED?
And if the answer repeatedly involves harm…
That pattern should not be dismissed as:
THAT’S JUST HOW THEY ARE WHEN THEY DRINK.
EXCESSIVE USE AFFECTS EVERYBODY
The user may think:
THIS IS MY BUSINESS.
Not always.
Family experiences it.
Coworkers experience it.
Children experience it.
Spouses experience it.
People sharing the road experience it.
Customers experience it.
Substance misuse rarely stays perfectly contained inside one person’s private life.
That is why responsibility matters.
TRAUMA CAN BE PART OF THE STORY
Some people with substance problems have histories of:
Trauma.
Abuse.
Neglect.
Loss.
Violence.
Unstable homes.
Severe stress.
But not everyone with a substance problem has childhood trauma.
And not everyone with childhood trauma develops addiction.
So do not force every story into one explanation.
Look at YOUR story.
What are you using?
When?
Why?
What happens before?
What happens after?
What are you trying to change inside yourself?
Those questions are more useful than guessing.
BECOME AWARE
Here is a better place to begin.
Ask:
Am I using more than I intend?
Do I repeatedly regret what happens afterward?
Have other people expressed concern?
Am I hiding how much I use?
Do I need it to relax?
Sleep?
Socialize?
Feel normal?
Avoid thinking?
Am I missing responsibilities because of it?
Have I tried to cut back and failed?
Those questions matter.
DON’T ADD ANOTHER PROBLEM
If something already hurts…
Do not automatically pile another problem on top of it.
Pain plus dependence is not relief.
Anxiety plus addiction is not peace.
Trauma plus intoxication is not healing.
You may need actual help with the original problem.
And you may need help with the substance use too.
Both can be true.
ASK QUESTIONS AND KEEP ASKING
This is where I strongly believe in seeking.
Doctor.
Therapist.
Addiction specialist.
Support group.
Trusted family.
Clergy, if faith is part of your life.
People in recovery.
Ask.
Learn.
Investigate.
Do not let pride keep you trapped inside something that has already become difficult to control.
PROFESSIONAL HELP IS NOT FAILURE
Some things are bigger than:
I’LL JUST TRY HARDER TOMORROW.
Substance use can become medically and psychologically complex.
Dependence may involve withdrawal.
Some substances can be dangerous to stop suddenly without medical guidance.
So if use is heavy, frequent, or physically dependent…
GET PROFESSIONAL HELP.
That is not weakness.
That is intelligent intervention.
RECOVERY IS MORE THAN STOPPING
Stopping the substance may be necessary.
But then comes another question:
WHAT DO I DO WITH THE FEELINGS THAT WERE THERE BEFORE?
That is where recovery becomes deeper.
Coping skills.
Honesty.
Relationships.
Sleep.
Exercise.
Support.
Therapy.
Purpose.
Faith.
Routine.
Accountability.
A new life cannot be built entirely around the absence of a substance.
Something healthier has to replace what the substance was doing for you.
DON’T ROMANTICIZE THE DRUNK VERSION
People sometimes laugh at intoxicated behavior.
“He gets crazy when he drinks.”
“She becomes hilarious.”
“He tells everybody everything.”
Maybe.
But repeated loss of control is not automatically entertainment.
If a person consistently becomes unsafe, cruel, reckless, incapacitated, or self-destructive…
That is not a comedy routine.
That is information.
YOUR SELF IS WORTH PROTECTING
This is the real heart of the Pearl.
You have a self.
A mind.
A body.
A conscience.
A personality.
A capacity to love.
Work.
Think.
Create.
Connect.
If something repeatedly takes those capacities away…
Why keep surrendering them?
Why voluntarily make yourself less capable of being yourself?
That is the question.
FINAL THOUGHT
If you use alcohol or drugs occasionally and responsibly…
That is one thing.
But if you repeatedly need them to:
Escape.
Numb.
Perform.
Forget.
Sleep.
Cope.
Feel normal.
Or disappear…
Then listen carefully.
The substance may be answering a question you need to answer in a healthier way.
Do not merely sedate the self.
FIND OUT WHAT THE SELF IS ASKING FOR.
You deserve a life you do not have to chemically leave in order to tolerate.
PEARLS INSIGHT
Problematic alcohol or drug use can function as short-term relief from stress, trauma, anxiety, loneliness, emotional pain, or other difficulties, but repeated use can create dependence, impaired judgment, relationship problems, and health consequences. Effective recovery often requires addressing both the substance use itself and the underlying needs or conditions that the substance was serving.
PEARLS FROM THE BOOKS
A recurring principle throughout Pearls for the Soul is:
BRING THINGS INTO THE LIGHT.
What stays hidden often keeps operating.
What becomes visible can begin to be addressed.
Awareness does not complete the work.
But without awareness…
The work rarely begins.
PEARLS CONNECTION
This Pearl connects directly with:
DYSFUNCTIONAL BEHAVIOR… CAUSE, CURE AND EFFECT
and
HOW TO INCREASE YOUR PERSONAL AWARENESS
Awareness asks:
WHAT AM I DOING?
This Pearl asks:
WHAT AM I USING THIS SUBSTANCE TO DO FOR ME?
That answer may reveal where the real work belongs.
RICHIE SPEAKS
Drink because you enjoy a glass with dinner?
Fine.
But drink because you need to disappear from yourself?
THAT’S DIFFERENT.
Use something because you cannot face what you’re feeling?
PAY ATTENTION.
Don’t shame yourself.
Don’t lie to yourself either.
Ask:
WHAT AM I TRYING NOT TO FEEL?
WHAT AM I TRYING TO BECOME?
WHAT IS THIS COSTING ME?
Then get help if you need it.
The goal is not merely being sober.
The goal is being PRESENT enough to live your own life.
I want you well.
Clear.
Whole.
Loved.
And here.
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
pearlsforthesoul.com
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