Sometimes the truth is easy to see…
But difficult to say.
The challenge is not knowing what to say.
The challenge is saying it in a way that can be heard.
One of the great challenges of life is helping someone see something they cannot see for themselves.
You notice a behavior.
A habit.
A blind spot.
A mistake.
A better way.
And immediately a question appears:
How do I tell them without upsetting them?
The answer is both simple and difficult.
You speak the truth…
With charity.
Truth without kindness wounds.
Kindness without truth accomplishes little.
The art is learning how to balance both.
I see people every day.
Some are thriving.
Some are struggling.
Some are growing.
Some are stuck.
And often I notice things that could help them if only they could see what I see.
The problem is that people do not always hear what you say.
They hear how you say it.
That is where most communication succeeds or fails.
With spouses, the challenge usually appears after the honeymoon phase.
The things you love about each other tend to take care of themselves.
The things that irritate you suddenly begin asking for attention.
Many people make the mistake of attacking the person rather than addressing the issue.
The result?
Defensiveness.
Arguments.
Hurt feelings.
Distance.
A better approach is to discuss the issue while protecting the relationship.
Make the problem the problem.
Not the person.
With children, simply giving orders may achieve temporary compliance.
But understanding creates lasting results.
Children need more than instructions.
They need reasons.
They need context.
They need foundations.
Instead of constantly saying:
“Because I said so.”
Try explaining:
“Here is why this matters.”
“Here is what happens if you do this.”
“Here is what I learned.”
Children may not always agree, but they learn to think.
And thinking lasts much longer than obedience.
With friends, timing matters.
A good friendship can often withstand difficult conversations.
A fragile friendship may not.
One approach I have found useful is asking permission before offering insight.
“Would you be open to something I noticed?”
“May I share an observation?”
“Can I tell you something that may help?”
The moment people are given a choice, resistance often decreases.
People prefer to open doors rather than have them forced open.
With employees, coaching usually works better than criticism.
The goal is not to make someone feel bad.
The goal is to help them improve.
Guide.
Encourage.
Teach.
Demonstrate.
Repeat.
A good leader develops people rather than merely correcting them.
As I wrote in Pearls for the Soul:
“People rarely resist the truth. They resist feeling attacked.”
— Richie Naggar, Pearls for the Soul
One of the most powerful tools available is the question.
Questions invite discovery.
Statements often invite defense.
Consider the difference.
“You always do this.”
Versus:
“Have you noticed what happens when this occurs?”
One creates resistance.
The other creates awareness.
Questions allow people to participate in their own discovery.
And discoveries people make themselves tend to last longer.
Another useful technique is what I call the third-party approach.
Instead of making the conversation directly about them, discuss the behavior itself.
For example:
“I wonder why some people do that?”
“What do you think happens when someone acts that way?”
“How do you think others experience that behavior?”
People often reveal insights about themselves while discussing someone else.
The pressure is removed.
The learning remains.
Most importantly, remember that growth takes time.
You cannot force awareness.
You cannot force understanding.
You cannot force wisdom.
You can only create opportunities for them to appear.
Sometimes people get it immediately.
Sometimes they need days.
Sometimes months.
Sometimes years.
Your responsibility is not to force the lesson.
Your responsibility is to present it with honesty, patience, kindness, and respect.
The truth has a way of doing its own work.
Plant the seed.
Water it.
Then let life do the rest.
The goal is not to win an argument.
The goal is to help someone see.
And when that happens…
Everyone grows.
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
https://pearlsforthesoul.com
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