Sometimes the words that haunt us most are not spoken by somebody else—they are the ones we released before giving ourselves time to think.
HOW YOU CAN HAUNT YOU
By “haunt,” I am referring to something that comes back to visit.
This is not Casper the Friendly Ghost.
It is the ghost of regret accompanied by one uncomfortable question:
“Why did I say, write or do that?”
Future regrets are difficult to see when emotions are in control. But once released, our words and actions may begin creating consequences before calm and common sense have a chance to catch up.
OOPS
Saying, writing or doing something foolish can return in several forms of pain and remorse.
Be comforted in knowing that everyone has experienced this in some form, at some time.
Most mistakes share common ground:
We wish we had handled the moment differently.
THE FIVE LEVELS OF OOPS
- OUCH
You recognize that the situation could have been handled better—or perhaps not handled at all.
You can live with it, but it still stings.
- OOOH
This one leaves a lingering bad taste.
You know the moment was not your finest, and the discomfort refuses to leave immediately.
- “I MEANT…”
You wish you had never said or written it.
You believe you may be able to clean it up, but some damage has already been done.
Do you let it go or let it grow?
Wisely pause here.
- DEAD DUCK
Your words were originally intended to attack somebody else, but now they are working against you.
The intended target may have moved on while you remain trapped by what you released.
- “I SAID THAT?”
You reacted so quickly and emotionally that you barely remember the person who spoke those words.
Unfortunately, someone else may remember—and technology may have recorded them.
IT CATCHES UP WITH YOU
We do not always stop long enough to consider whether what we are saying, doing or writing is appropriate.
Why?
Emotions can operate at lightning speed.
They race ahead of reason, logic and judgment before we return to our center and calm.
The reaction leaves first.
Wisdom arrives later and asks what happened.
REVERSE THIS
Instead of immediately reacting, learn to respond.
That sounds simple, but it requires practice.
The pause between emotion and action may initially feel uncomfortable. You may want to shoot from the hip and unload every thought.
But that pause is not weakness.
It is where self-control returns and gives judgment another opportunity.
TIME WORKS AGAINST AND FOR YOU
An embarrassing or humiliating moment can sting deeply.
We want time to pass quickly so we can distance ourselves from it.
Often, the discomfort eventually fades.
But spoken words, written messages, recordings and social-media posts may surface again.
Time may soften regret, but it does not always erase the record.
THIS TOO SHALL PASS—BUT WHEN?
We want time to pass quickly when we are bored, uncomfortable or ashamed.
When we experience pleasure, reward or adventure, we want time to slow down.
Time does neither.
It moves at its own pace.
We cannot control its movement, but we can decide what we learn while living through it.
DON’T DO OR SAY THAT AGAIN
Discomfort can become a powerful teacher.
Its purpose is not to condemn you forever. Its useful purpose is to help you recognize what needs to change.
If you learn the lesson, regret can become guidance.
If you repeatedly ignore the lesson, life may schedule another class.
You will continue “getting it” until you finally get it.
Take heed.
ALLOWABLE MISTAKES
None of us has lived this exact life before.
There is a first time for everything, including mistakes, misunderstandings and regrettable reactions.
Some events remain with us for years.
Others disappear after delivering their lesson.
Eventually, we discover the part we played—and the part we can play in preventing a repeat performance.
Accountability asks us to repair what we can.
Wisdom asks us to learn.
Self-forgiveness allows us to continue.
LEARNING TO DISAGREE
Learning how to disagree should be taught in every school—and more than once.
Imagine how many regrets, damaged relationships, workplace problems and missed opportunities could be prevented if we learned how to make a strong point without attacking a person.
Say what you mean.
Write what needs to be written.
Take necessary action.
But do it in a way that works for you—not against you.
Keeping your cool under fire is rarely appreciated until you understand its value.
THE IMPULSIVE MOMENT
Technology allows us to shoot first and ask questions later.
It also allows us to shoot ourselves in the foot.
By the time calm returns, the message may have been delivered, copied, recorded, forwarded and stored in the archives of social-media land.
Instant communication makes the thoughtful pause more important—not less.
RESIST—BUT INSIST
If you have something important to say, say it.
If you have something necessary to do, do it.
But use finesse.
Make your point with manners, self-control and skill.
How you communicate is part of what you communicate.
When you handle the moment well, two things happen:
- You are glad you expressed yourself correctly instead of holding everything inside or firing every available weapon.
- Your example may help someone else learn how strength and restraint can work together.
PRACTICE BEFORE THE NEXT MOMENT
Do not wait until the next disagreement to begin preparing.
Practice the pause now.
Read the message again before sending it.
Let intense emotions settle.
Ask how your words might sound to the person receiving them.
If necessary, save the draft and return later.
The next opportunity to practice will arrive.
Be ready for it.
FINAL THOUGHT
Regret should teach you—not own you. Repair what you can, learn what you must and give your next response the wisdom your last reaction was missing.
PEARLS INSIGHT (SEO)
Learning to pause before reacting can reduce regret, improve emotional control and protect relationships. Thoughtful communication allows us to disagree, express strong feelings and address problems without permitting one impulsive moment to create lasting consequences.
PEARLS FROM THE BOOKS
“Your first reaction belongs to the moment. Your considered response belongs to the person you are becoming.”
PEARLS CONNECTION
Before sending your next emotional text, email or comment, pause and read it as though you were the person receiving it.
RICHIE SPEAKS
Say what needs to be said—but say it in a way that will still represent you when the emotion is gone.
FINAL SAY
Pause. Respond. Then send.
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
Website: https://pearlsforthesoul.com
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