A lot of trouble enters through an open mouth.
Sometimes the strongest thing you can say is nothing at all.
Listen first.
Cool down.
Then decide whether your words are even needed.
How many people have actually said:
“I’m not going to say anything.”
And then five minutes later…
there they go.
LOL.
You do not want to lose it.
But lose it you will if you do not develop some discipline while engaged in conversation—personal or professional.
And if your foot enters your mouth…
welcome to FOOT & MOUTH DISEASE.
LOL.
Then comes Backpedaling 101.
Then crow.
Skinning it.
Cooking it.
Eating it.
Not my favorite menu.
JOIN THE RESERVES — PERSONAL RESERVES, THAT IS
I am talking about emotional and mental discipline.
That means turning UP the listening dial…
and turning DOWN the response dial.
Easier said than done.
If you are already in eruption mode…
meaning you are so worked up that you are about to explode…
then perhaps do not enter the arena yet.
Go cool off first.
Walk.
Sit.
Breathe.
Pray.
Drive around the block.
Do whatever helps you come down from BOIL to SIMMER.
Then return.
There is no prize for speaking while your judgment is on fire.
SUICIDE BY ARGUMENT
We do not really want to “win” an argument.
Think about that.
Why become excellent at arguing?
What did you win?
A damaged relationship?
A louder voice?
A person who no longer wants to talk to you?
LOL.
A better posture is to stay on the learning curve.
And part of learning is admitting when you are wrong.
That requires stillness.
You have to become quiet enough for information to get in.
Being still allows things to come forward for your consideration…
not merely your judgment.
If you are angry, there is a good chance you have already judged before fully listening.
That can be expensive.
THE GOOD NEWS AND THE BAD NEWS
The good news?
You will have plenty of opportunities to practice responsible use of the mouth.
The bad news?
You are probably going to fail more than once.
LOL.
Take heart.
At some point, if you keep practicing, something starts to click.
You begin recognizing the moment BEFORE the words escape.
That is progress.
You start learning the wisdom of lending everyone your ear…
without automatically lending them your mouth.
That little delay can save a lot of cleanup.
SIMMER — NOT BOILING
I have seen people who were RIGHT…
but conveyed their position WRONG.
That is important.
You can have the better argument and still lose the room.
Why?
Tone.
Timing.
Motive.
Delivery.
Pride.
Heat.
Sometimes the issue is not WHAT you said.
It is HOW you said it.
So along with discipline, check your motive.
Do I want to help?
Or do I want to win?
Do I want clarity?
Or do I want to embarrass somebody?
Do I want resolution?
Or do I want the last word?
Move slower.
Choose the right time.
I have often suggested a TIME-OUT.
Not as surrender.
As strategy.
PAUSE.
Let everybody cool down.
Then return to the subject.
Think of it like a pot on the stove.
Boiling spills over.
Simmering cooks.
We want SIMMER.
TRY SOMETHING NEW
Do the opposite of what you normally do if what you normally do keeps producing the same mess.
That is one way to break the insanity chain.
If your normal pattern is to immediately defend…
wait.
If your normal pattern is to interrupt…
listen.
If your normal pattern is to explain everything…
say less.
If you are going to make a faux pas…
let it be that somebody says:
“You were awfully quiet.”
Fine.
I can live with that.
LOL.
Better quiet than apologizing for ten things you said while angry.
Until the issue is fully out in the open…
keep your TRAP closed.
RICHIE SPEAKS
You do not have to attend every argument you are invited to.
There is a Pearl right there.
Sometimes silence is not weakness.
It is reserve.
It is discipline.
It is observation.
It is giving wisdom a chance to catch up with emotion.
And here is another one:
The mouth can create a problem in ten seconds that the heart may spend ten years trying to repair.
So use it carefully.
FINAL THOUGHT
Looking before you leap applies to the mouth too.
You do not have to say everything you think.
You do not have to respond to every provocation.
You do not have to win every point.
Sometimes the better victory is keeping peace, keeping perspective, and keeping yourself from creating a second problem.
PEARLS INSIGHT
Learning when not to speak is an important part of emotional intelligence, conflict resolution, communication, and personal discipline. Pausing before responding can reduce regret, improve listening, preserve relationships, and help people communicate with greater clarity and self-control.
PEARLS CONNECTION
This Pearl connects directly with common sense, conscience, hindsight, and resisting retaliation.
Common sense says:
Pause.
Conscience says:
Do not intentionally wound.
Hindsight says:
Think now about what you do not want to regret later.
And restraint says:
You do not have to say it just because you thought it.
That is maturity.
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
https://pearlsforthesoul.com
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