They are not the same thing.
One can happen in a moment.
The other may take a lifetime.
Confusing the two has created much of the heartache we see today.
Sex is not love.
Somewhere over the generations, sex traded places with intimacy and many people have been trying to recover from the confusion ever since.
The two are connected.
But they are not the same.
One is physical.
The other reaches much deeper.
One involves the body.
The other involves the heart, mind, spirit, emotions, trust, vulnerability, companionship, and understanding.
Sex can exist without intimacy.
Intimacy cannot exist without trust.
That is the difference.
SEX IS OVERSTATED AND OVERRATED.
I know that statement may surprise some people.
Sex certainly has its place.
It is part of life.
It is part of marriage.
It is part of attraction.
It is part of creation itself.
But compared to the thousands of hours two people spend together over a lifetime, sex occupies only a small fraction of the relationship.
The real relationship happens everywhere else.
At breakfast.
During hardships.
During illnesses.
During victories.
During disappointments.
During ordinary Tuesday afternoons.
That is where intimacy either grows or disappears.
DO YOU REALLY KNOW ME?
To know another person deeply is one of life’s greatest adventures.
Most people know about people.
Few truly know people.
To know someone’s fears.
Their hopes.
Their dreams.
Their disappointments.
Their private victories.
Their insecurities.
Their faith.
Their heart.
That is intimacy.
And when another person trusts you enough to reveal those inner parts, they are giving you a priceless gift.
THE PLEASURE OF SOMEONE’S COMPANY.
After many decades of marriage, I have learned something fascinating.
There are times when my wife and I can sit in the same room reading separate books and it is still enjoyable.
No conversation required.
No entertainment needed.
Just presence.
That is intimacy.
The comfort of simply being together.
The appreciation of another soul sharing the journey with you.
The ability to enjoy silence together.
THE POWER OF BEING WANTED.
One of the greatest human needs is not physical.
It is emotional.
People want to know:
Do I matter?
Am I appreciated?
Am I wanted?
Am I valued?
Children need this.
Teenagers need this.
Adults need this.
Elderly people need this.
Everyone wants to feel chosen.
Everyone wants to feel significant.
Everyone wants to feel loved.
This is where many people get confused.
They mistake physical attention for emotional connection.
The two are not always the same.
PEARLS FOR GIRLS.
One of the themes I continually return to in Pearls for Girls and In Seeking Cupid… Don’t Be Stupid is this:
Do not give away your heart cheaply.
And do not seek validation through physical means alone.
A relationship built only upon attraction eventually asks:
Now what?
A relationship built upon friendship, trust, admiration, respect, character, laughter, shared purpose, and affection has something much stronger to stand upon.
Attraction may open the door.
Character determines whether anyone stays.
THE TWO FUNDAMENTALS.
Over years of counseling, observing, questioning, and listening, I have discovered two things that almost everyone seeks.
- Everyone wants to be loved.
- No one wants to be alone.
These two desires shape much of human behavior.
Unfortunately, people often seek these things through unhealthy means.
Some chase attention.
Some chase approval.
Some chase relationships.
Some chase possessions.
Some chase status.
Yet underneath it all remains the same desire:
To love and be loved.
HOW WE GO ABOUT IT.
The challenge is not wanting these things.
The challenge is pursuing them wisely.
Love requires patience.
Love requires character.
Love requires honesty.
Love requires vulnerability.
Love requires effort.
Love is not merely found.
Love is built.
INTIMACY’S SECRET.
The secret of intimacy is surprisingly simple.
Be interested.
Listen.
Pay attention.
Ask questions.
Be present.
Show up.
Remain kind.
Remain curious.
Remain trustworthy.
Do this consistently and intimacy grows naturally.
Much like a garden.
WHAT THEN?
To be fruitful and multiply is one thing.
To truly love another person is something greater.
To be known and accepted.
To know and accept.
To share life’s journey.
To become a safe harbor for another soul.
That is intimacy.
And when intimacy is present…
Everything else becomes more meaningful.
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
https://pearlsforthesoul.com
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