There are pains we choose.
And pains that choose us.
The wise person eventually discovers that some pains heal…
While others simply linger.
I had just finished proofreading my book:
PEARLS FOR GIRLS…
DATING, WAITING & SEX…
IN SEEKING CUPID, DON’T BE STUPID
The book explores many things, but one subject kept surfacing again and again.
Loneliness.
Not the kind where you spend a Saturday night by yourself.
I mean the deeper loneliness.
The kind that quietly follows people into crowded rooms.
The kind that sits beside them at dinner.
The kind that sleeps beside them in bed.
The kind that says:
“Nobody really knows me.”
THE TWO PAINS.
As I reflected on this subject, I realized something.
There are two pains available to all of us.
The pain of remaining where we are.
And the pain of doing something about it.
The pain of staying silent.
Or the pain of speaking.
The pain of remaining hidden.
Or the pain of risking being known.
The pain of loneliness.
Or the pain of vulnerability.
Both hurt.
But only one leads somewhere.
LONELINESS IS OUT THERE…
AND IN THERE TOO.
Recently, I had the privilege of speaking with two people.
They did not know each other.
They came from different backgrounds.
Different circumstances.
Different journeys.
Yet both eventually arrived at the same place.
In separate conversations, each quietly confessed:
“I’m lonely.”
What a statement.
What courage.
What honesty.
Most people never say it.
Most people hide it.
Most people disguise it.
They bury it beneath work.
Activities.
Television.
Social media.
Busyness.
Noise.
Yet there it remains.
Waiting to be acknowledged.
PEOPLE RISK BY SHARING.
When they told me this, I didn’t rush in with advice.
I didn’t quote statistics.
I didn’t offer quick fixes.
I listened.
Sometimes listening is the highest form of respect.
Sometimes people do not need answers.
They need witnesses.
Someone willing to sit beside their truth without trying to rearrange it.
I simply listened.
And in that moment, something beautiful happened.
THEY WERE ALREADY HEALING.
The moment they spoke those words, they moved.
Not physically.
Spiritually.
Emotionally.
Psychologically.
They had shifted.
The pain of silence had become greater than the pain of vulnerability.
That is when change begins.
That is when healing starts.
That is when life opens a door.
I knew they were going to be alright.
Not because I knew the outcome.
Because I knew they had chosen the pain that leads somewhere.
THE LESSER PAIN.
Many people spend years avoiding discomfort.
They avoid conversations.
They avoid risks.
They avoid relationships.
They avoid asking.
They avoid telling.
They avoid trying.
Unfortunately, avoidance has a price.
The pain remains.
It simply changes addresses.
As I wrote in Pearls for Girls:
“The heart was never designed to live behind walls forever.”
Think about that.
Walls protect.
But they also imprison.
The same shield that keeps pain out often keeps love out too.
LIVE LIFE WHILE YOU CAN.
There is no guarantee when you risk.
No guarantee the relationship works.
No guarantee the opportunity succeeds.
No guarantee the conversation goes well.
No guarantee the dream comes true.
But there is one guarantee.
If you never risk…
Nothing changes.
I have learned something throughout my life.
Life rewards participation.
Not perfection.
Participation.
The person who risks may fail.
But they also may succeed.
The person who never risks guarantees only one outcome.
Nothing.
THE PEARL INSIDE THE OYSTER.
One of my favorite observations is that pearls are created through irritation.
An oyster does not wake up one morning and decide to manufacture beauty.
Something uncomfortable enters.
Something unwanted.
Something irritating.
Then the transformation begins.
The oyster takes what hurts…
And creates a pearl.
How much of life works exactly the same way?
Pain becomes wisdom.
Failure becomes experience.
Loneliness becomes compassion.
Heartbreak becomes understanding.
Adversity becomes character.
The pearl is often hidden inside the problem.
PEOPLE WANT THE SAME THINGS.
After decades of talking with people from every walk of life, I keep arriving at the same conclusion.
The details differ.
The desires do not.
As I wrote in Pearls for Girls:
“Everyone wants to be loved.
No one wants to be alone.”
Everything else is commentary.
THE COURAGE TO BE KNOWN.
The greatest relationships are not built upon perfection.
They are built upon honesty.
They begin when someone finally says:
“This is who I am.”
“This is what I feel.”
“This is what I fear.”
“This is what I hope.”
The risk is real.
But so is the reward.
WHAT THEN?
If you find yourself carrying a burden today…
Speak.
If you are lonely…
Reach out.
If you are hurting…
Share.
If you are afraid…
Take one step anyway.
Choose the lesser of the two pains.
Choose the pain that leads somewhere.
Choose the pain that opens doors.
Choose the pain that invites healing.
Choose the pain of growth over the pain of stagnation.
Because one day, what hurt you may become the very pearl that helps someone else.
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
https://pearlsforthesoul.com
Been expecting you