Sometimes the smartest thing you can say…
is nothing.
Bite your lip.
Listen longer.
Let the other person finish.
There may be a treasure trove waiting in the silence.
That’s right, my friends.
If you…
and forgive me for being blunt…
SHUT-UP and listen more…
you may discover a treasure trove of information waiting to make its way toward you and actually serve you.
Those who suffer from:
foot in mouth,
loose lips,
constant interruption,
or the irresistible urge to add one more thing…
might do well to shut down operations once in a while and become a better listener.
That little adjustment alone can change relationships, business, learning and even the way people experience YOU.
THE PROBLEM IS IDENTIFIED
You can learn to listen.
I will warn you though…
the learning curve can be challenging.
Why?
Because you are going up against one of the greatest and most stubborn forces you may ever meet.
YOURSELF.
LOL.
Your habits.
Your timing.
Your need to respond.
Your need to correct.
Your need to prove.
Your need to tell your story before the other person finishes theirs.
But take heart.
What one person learns…
another can learn.
Heck…
even I learned how to listen.
Eventually.
SOME CAUSES TO EXPLORE
There can be many reasons people have difficulty listening.
Some people grew up feeling they had to fight to be heard.
Interrupting became survival.
Talking loudly became normal.
Getting the words out before somebody else did became a learned behavior.
Then adulthood arrives…
but the old program keeps running.
The circumstances changed.
The behavior did not.
Now the person interrupts not because the room is unsafe…
but because the habit still believes it is.
PAUSE FOR CAUSE.
Not every behavior that once protected you still serves you today.
MERRY-GO-ROUND AND ROUND…THE MIND
Other people have minds that seem to race.
One thought.
Another thought.
Another thought.
Then another.
The person listening to them may still be on sentence number one while their mind has already reached paragraph seven.
That is when thinking can begin sinking.
SINKING IN YOUR THINKING.
Emotion can power it even more.
Now instead of listening to the other person…
you are listening to your own internal commentary about what the other person is saying.
There is a big difference.
You hear a word.
Your mind races ahead.
You formulate your reply.
And while you are preparing your magnificent response…
the other person keeps talking.
You missed half of it.
But hey…
you have a great comeback ready.
LOL.
IF I DON’T SAY IT…I’LL LOSE IT
Still others feel that if they do not get the thought out immediately…
it will disappear.
So they interrupt.
Jump in.
Finish sentences.
Change subjects.
Add side stories.
They seek closure inside themselves instead of through interaction with the other person.
But good conversation works more like this:
I share.
YOU listen.
You share.
I listen.
Back and forth.
That is conversation.
When one person never stops talking…
that is not conversation.
That is a hostage situation.
And the other person may be quietly waiting for you to inhale so they can escape.
THE EXPERIMENT
Many years ago, I participated in a week-long group self-awareness experience that taught me the meaning of unnecessary SPEAK.
Among many other things…
our class was instructed to go out to dinner in groups of about five to seven people.
There was one rule.
DO NOT SAY ANYTHING UNNECESSARY.
That sounds easy.
It was not.
We were supposed to hold ourselves and each other accountable.
And therein was the hidden catch.
Suppose somebody said something unnecessary.
You could not simply say:
“You didn’t need to say that.”
Why?
Because THAT statement could also be unnecessary.
Now what?
Facial expressions.
A look.
A raised eyebrow.
Maybe a smile.
Suddenly the mouth did not have unlimited access to the evening.
The experience became fascinating.
HOW MUCH DO WE SAY THAT DOESN’T NEED SAYING?
You begin noticing things.
Little comments.
Fillers.
Automatic responses.
Repeating what somebody already said.
Explaining what everyone already understands.
Adding another story.
Correcting something that did not need correction.
Commenting simply because silence appeared.
And then came the uncomfortable discovery.
You start noticing YOURSELF.
That is where the real lesson was hiding.
It is easy to hear unnecessary talk coming from somebody else.
It gets very interesting when you begin counting your own.
DINNER GOT INTERESTING
Ordering dinner made the challenge even stronger.
We had to communicate with the server.
Obviously some speaking was necessary.
But the goal was to answer questions and communicate what was required without creating unnecessary dialogue.
For example:
Instead of asking:
“What salad dressings do you have?”
you might simply order:
“I’ll have the salad with Italian dressing.”
If Italian dressing was not available, the server would naturally explain the alternatives.
Then you choose.
Done.
No need for a committee meeting about lettuce.
LOL.
That may sound trivial.
It was not.
For about three hours, we became extremely conscious of words.
Every sentence had weight.
Every interruption became noticeable.
Every unnecessary comment stood out.
And the silence became part of the conversation too.
I never forgot that evening.
THREE HOURS OF INTROSPECTION
The real lesson was not:
NEVER TALK.
Of course not.
The lesson was:
BECOME AWARE OF WHY YOU ARE TALKING.
Are you adding value?
Are you answering?
Are you clarifying?
Are you connecting?
Are you helping?
Or are you simply uncomfortable with silence?
That distinction can change everything.
BITE YOUR LIP
Sometimes biting your lip is not suppression.
It is discipline.
It gives the other person space.
It allows information to arrive.
It lets motives reveal themselves.
It gives you time to think.
And it may save you from saying something you wish you could vacuum back into your mouth five minutes later.
Listening has another advantage.
People tell you things.
Sometimes very important things.
But they only get there if you leave room.
THE TREASURE TROVE
When you listen long enough…
people reveal:
what they need,
what they fear,
what they want,
what confuses them,
what matters to them,
what they are really asking.
In business, that information can be priceless.
In relationships, it can be healing.
In conflict, it can prevent unnecessary escalation.
In learning, it can make you smarter.
Listening does not make you passive.
It makes you informed.
RICHIE SPEAKS
Here is one Richie rule:
Do not use the other person’s talking time to rehearse your response.
Another:
If your mouth is open constantly…
your ears are unemployed.
And one more:
Sometimes silence is not an empty space.
It is where the information comes in.
PEARLS FROM THE BOOKS
From the spirit of Pearls for the Soul:
“Listening gives another person enough room to reveal what speaking over them would have hidden.”
From the spirit of God I AM:
“Stillness can become instruction when the need to fill every moment finally rests.”
From the spirit of It Is Finished:
“Some words are best completed before they ever leave the mouth.”
PEARLS INSIGHT
Good listening is more than staying quiet.
It requires attention.
That means resisting the urge to interrupt, planning fewer replies while the other person is speaking, asking useful questions and allowing enough silence for information to develop.
People often communicate more clearly when they do not feel rushed or competed with.
The listener benefits too.
More information arrives.
Assumptions can be corrected.
And unnecessary conflict often decreases.
PEARLS CONNECTION
This connects directly with I NEVER SAID THAT…YES YOU DID.
If we do not listen carefully, we may react to words nobody actually said.
It also connects with LEND EVERYONE YOUR EAR BUT NOT YOUR MOUTH.
That Pearl carries the same reminder:
Your ears can gather information your mouth can easily interrupt.
And THE LEARNING CURVE reminds us that listening itself is a skill.
You practice.
You catch yourself.
You improve.
Then one day…
you realize you no longer have to be the first person into every silence.
FINAL SAY
Quality or quantity?
To listen…
or to speak?
Sometimes making yourself known by something OTHER than constant talking allows your inner parts to participate.
Your attention.
Your judgment.
Your patience.
Your awareness.
And yes…
your mouth and all its friends get some TIME OFF.
That experiment taught me something I never forgot.
Words have value.
So count them occasionally.
Do not make every thought an announcement.
Let the other person finish.
Let the information arrive.
Let silence do some work.
And the next time you think you have something to say…
think again.
You may learn quite a bit…
when you bite your lip.
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
https://pearlsforthesoul.com
Been expecting you