Don’t answer too quickly.
How much of what you call “ME” was actually chosen by you?
And how much was handed to you before you were old enough to question it?
There is a difference between THINKING you know yourself…
and KNOWING.
Do not attempt to answer the question too quickly.
PONDER IT.
Do you really know who you are…
or have you become very good at being who you were PROGRAMMED to be?
Who are you?
Not your name.
Not your occupation.
Not your education.
Not your possessions.
Not what somebody told you that you were when you were eight years old.
WHO ARE YOU REALLY?
Perhaps we have our entire lives to explore that question.
And once the question genuinely reaches you, another adventure begins.
IDENTITY OR SELF?
Identity has puzzled mankind since mankind became aware enough to ask:
WHO AM I?
How can we be certain we are who we THINK we are?
Maybe that is part of the problem.
We shouldn’t merely THINK we are something.
WE SHOULD KNOW.
There is an enormous difference.
Thought can be influenced.
Opinion can change.
Emotions can move around.
Other people can persuade us.
But there is something deeper within a person that occasionally announces itself without needing an argument.
You simply KNOW.
Getting acquainted with that place is part of getting acquainted with yourself.
WHO TOLD YOU WHO YOU WERE?
Interesting question, isn’t it?
Before you could properly investigate yourself, other people were already describing you.
You’re shy.
You’re smart.
You’re difficult.
You’re talented.
You’re lazy.
You’re sensitive.
You’re just like your father.
You’re just like your mother.
You’re never going to…
You’re going to be…
Some of these descriptions may have been helpful.
Others may have been completely wrong.
But children tend to receive information before they possess enough experience to examine the source.
And so…
somebody else’s opinion can quietly become our identity.
AUTHORITY FIGURES WERE UP AT BAT FIRST
Parents generally mean well.
They raise children using what they know, what they believe, what happened to them and what was handed down by those who raised THEM.
And those people were influenced by somebody before them.
Back and back it goes.
Family.
Culture.
School.
Religion.
Friends.
Neighborhood.
Teachers.
Television.
Employers.
Society.
Everybody gets a turn at telling us something about who we are and how life is supposed to work.
Some of it is wonderful.
Some of it is necessary.
Some of it is wisdom.
And some of it…
needs another look.
INHERITED DOESN’T AUTOMATICALLY MEAN TRUE
Something can be repeated for generations without becoming true merely because everybody kept repeating it.
That’s worth remembering.
Maybe your family always did things a certain way.
Fine.
WHY?
Maybe you were taught you couldn’t do something.
Really?
WHY NOT?
Maybe you were taught that success has one particular definition.
WHO DECIDED?
Maybe you were taught what somebody like you is “supposed” to do.
According to whom?
I am not suggesting rebelling against everything we were taught.
That would merely be another programmed response.
I am suggesting something much more interesting:
EXAMINE IT.
PROGRAMMING
A lot of what we presently call ourselves may actually be conditioning.
Habits.
Reactions.
Beliefs.
Fears.
Preferences.
Expectations.
Responses we have repeated so many times that they now feel like US.
But repetition does not necessarily prove identity.
Sometimes it only proves repetition.
MMM?
The true you should eventually come from the INSIDE OUT…
not forever from the OUTSIDE IN.
PAVLOV AND THE BELL
Pavlov’s famous experiments demonstrated something worth pondering.
A signal repeatedly associated with food eventually produced a response even when the food itself was absent.
The bell rang.
The dogs responded.
No food required.
Conditioning had connected the two.
Human beings are enormously more complex, of course, but the illustration is useful.
We have bells too.
Someone criticizes us…
DING.
Someone disagrees…
DING.
Someone reminds us of an old hurt…
DING.
Someone pushes the correct emotional button…
DING.
And suddenly we respond automatically.
But ask yourself:
WHO RESPONDED?
Was that ME?
Or did somebody just ring one of my bells?
WATCH YOUR AUTOMATIC RESPONSES
This is where self-discovery becomes fascinating.
Watch yourself.
What instantly makes you angry?
What makes you defensive?
What makes you feel inferior?
What makes you seek approval?
What makes you afraid?
What makes you feel that you must prove something?
Don’t immediately judge the response.
OBSERVE IT.
Where did that come from?
When did I first begin reacting this way?
Is it useful?
Is it true?
Does it agree with who I am NOW?
Or is some twenty-, thirty-, forty- or fifty-year-old bell still ringing inside me?
YOU CAN OUTGROW OLD PROGRAMMING
Here’s the good news.
Awareness interrupts automatic behavior.
Once you can SEE a pattern…
you no longer have to blindly BE the pattern.
Something happens.
You pause.
There is the old response waiting to take its usual turn.
But this time you recognize it.
AH-HA.
There you are.
Now another possibility becomes available:
CHOICE.
ONE REAL CAPTAIN PER SHIP
I have used this illustration many times because it works.
There should be one Captain aboard your personal ship.
YOU.
Others may advise.
Listen.
Others may know more about certain waters.
Learn.
Others may see dangers you missed.
Pay attention.
But eventually the Captain has to take responsibility for the rudder.
You cannot sail your entire life according to everybody else’s coordinates and then wonder why you never reached your own destination.
DON’T THROW AWAY GOOD INSTRUCTION
Be careful here.
Discovering yourself doesn’t mean automatically rejecting parents, teachers, tradition, wisdom or authority.
Quite the opposite.
A mature person can examine what was given and KEEP what proves worthwhile.
Good instruction?
KEEP IT.
Truth?
KEEP IT.
Decency?
KEEP IT.
Wisdom earned through somebody else’s hard experience?
Thank them and KEEP IT.
But fear, prejudice, resentment, false limitations and unhealthy conditioning?
Those deserve examination.
Knowing yourself requires sorting.
YOUR CONSCIENCE IS NOT THE NOISE
We must learn the difference between thinking, emotion and that quieter inner guidance I refer to as conscience.
Thinking can argue all afternoon.
Emotions can change before supper.
The conscience is different.
It does not usually deliver a thirty-minute lecture.
It simply knows when something doesn’t sit right.
DON’T DO THAT.
STOP.
Something is wrong here.
Or…
you are at peace.
That inner compass deserves attention.
FROM THE OUTSIDE IN — TO THE INSIDE OUT
Early in life, much of our identity necessarily comes from outside.
We are children.
We need instruction.
Eventually something must mature.
We begin examining.
Testing.
Learning.
Discarding.
Keeping.
Choosing.
Experiencing.
And gradually the person inside begins participating more fully in the life outside.
That is a beautiful transition.
You stop merely performing an identity.
You begin LIVING one.
DON’T REPLACE ONE PROGRAM WITH ANOTHER
There is a trap here.
Some people discover they were overly influenced by one system and immediately surrender themselves to another.
New guru.
New movement.
New ideology.
New group.
New personality telling them exactly what to believe.
Different bell.
Same dog?
Careful.
Listen.
Learn.
Explore.
Receive wisdom wherever you find it.
But don’t surrender the Captain’s chair merely because somebody speaks confidently.
KNOW AND BE KNOWN
The more honestly you know yourself, the easier it becomes to allow other people to know you.
You don’t need to manufacture an image.
You don’t have to win every argument.
You don’t have to prove yourself continuously.
You become comfortable saying:
I DON’T KNOW.
I WAS WRONG.
I CHANGED MY MIND.
I LIKE THIS.
THIS ISN’T FOR ME.
I NEED TO THINK ABOUT THAT.
THAT DOESN’T SIT RIGHT WITH ME.
THAT is liberty.
THE MYSTERY OF YOU CONTINUES
We just explored this in THE MYSTERY OF “YOU” — KNOWING YOURSELF.
Life introduces YOU…
to YOU.
This Pearl goes one layer deeper.
Once you start discovering yourself, you also have to ask:
WHICH PART IS REALLY ME…
AND WHICH PART WAS PUT THERE BY SOMEBODY ELSE?
Now we are doing some serious digging.
FINAL THOUGHT
Don’t become paranoid about being “programmed.”
Become CURIOUS.
Observe yourself.
Question automatic reactions.
Examine inherited beliefs.
Keep what is true, good and useful.
Discard what proves false.
Listen more carefully to conscience.
And give the real person inside enough room to finally come outside.
You don’t have to become somebody else.
Perhaps the greater adventure is removing enough of what you are NOT…
to discover more clearly what you ARE.
Know yourself.
Then live from there.
Expect great things.
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
https://pearlsforthesoul.com
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