Everyone has an opinion. The real question is not whether we have one—it is how we share it, defend it and respond when someone sees things differently.
I am speaking of an opinion—you know, that belief with lips. It can be passionate, obstinate, argumentative or simply informative.
Whatever may be behind the sharing, what a person thinks and chooses to express is important for one simple reason: You get to know a little more about that person.
This is also where things can begin to break down.
THE DISAGREEMENT
Two people are conversing, but they do not agree. One opinion meets an opposing opinion, and a disagreement enters the room.
There is nothing wrong with people sharing what they believe, explaining why they believe it and increasing their understanding while doing so. It is the challenge to the person—not merely the challenge to the opinion—that often causes trouble.
That is where it can get dicey.
THE ARGUMENT
When a difference of opinion is powered by emotion, ego, pride or plain arrogance, it becomes difficult for the person in the line of fire to listen without firing back.
Then both sides begin using the same dynamics against each other. One attack fuels another, the exchange repeats itself and suddenly we have an argument.
How to argue, when to argue and what is worth arguing about are all good reasons to pause.
SHARING WHAT WE BELIEVE
Some opinions do not begin with the people sharing them. They begin with something a person heard, read or was told.
If it appeals to them, they may adopt it as their own. But when they are questioned about it, the lack of foundation can become apparent. What looks like confidence may actually be stubbornness—or simply the absence of an open mind.
An opinion becomes stronger when we understand where it came from and why we believe it.
“I DON’T KNOW”
Everyone begins here, whether they realize it or not.
Some people study certain subjects and develop knowledge, familiarity and even a deep knowing. Other subjects remain unknown to them.
“I don’t know” stays with every person throughout a lifetime. There is no shame in saying it. In fact, those three words may open the door to learning something new.
EXPERT OPINION
Someone who has invested years in a subject, explored its depths and can examine it from many directions may be called an expert.
We sometimes say that person “knows it all,” so to speak.
But here is something that may make you scratch your head: What happens when several experts study the same subject and reach different conclusions?
MORE THAN ONE EXPERT OPINION
Several people can come forward as masters of the same field. They may agree on the basic facts but disagree about the application, meaning or likely results.
Having intelligent, seasoned and savvy experts flying around a room can be educational—and memorable, to say the least.
Their disagreement reminds us that knowledge does not always lead everyone to the same opinion.
THE JURY IS OUT
In the end, the people listening will probably form opinions of their own.
They will consider the information, remember the parts they liked, question the parts they did not understand and possibly dismiss what does not fit their present point of view.
Juries do this. Voters do this. Families do this. We all do it.
We receive the information and then interpret it through our own experiences.
POLITICS AND RELIGION
Controversial subjects often stir the inner parts of a person. That may be exactly what they are designed to do.
Either our growth mechanism is activated and our thinking gets a workout, or our ego feels challenged and a reaction comes forward.
Some people cannot comfortably handle that experience. They may hear disagreement as rejection, disrespect or even a personal attack.
But another person’s opinion does not have to diminish our own.
SILENCE MEANS SOMETHING
The silent majority has opinions too.
Some people harbor private opinions and, for whatever reason, choose not to share them. Perhaps they cannot articulate what they feel. Perhaps they do not feel safe. Maybe they are not interested in the challenge—or they simply do not trust the person listening.
Getting someone to open up is an art. It also takes work, patience and a willingness to listen without immediately correcting them.
FORCED CIRCUMSTANCES
Many people are unfamiliar with certain subjects and do not want to announce that lack of knowledge to the world. That is understandable.
Others hold beliefs shaped by trauma, abuse, injustice or shock. Discussing those beliefs may force them to revisit unpleasant experiences.
Opening up can feel risky.
Before judging an opinion, remember that you may not know everything that helped create it.
AN OPINION-HANDLING TOOL
I discovered a handy little tool that has helped me considerably when speaking, listening and sharing with others.
It can help you too.
When opinions are out and about looking for their like—or unlike—kind, remember these three words:
POINT OF VIEW.
POINT OF VIEW
Point of view is how someone looks at something.
What position are they standing in when a new subject or idea is presented? What have they experienced? What can they see from where they are?
I am reminded of the spider that can scurry across floors, walls and ceilings. The spider’s world is experienced from many positions.
Its view changes according to where it stands.
People are not so different.
A change in position may reveal something that could not be seen before.
EVERYONE HAS ONE
I will leave you with this:
This post about opinions is also my opinion, isn’t it?
After everything is said and done, that makes the point—we all have one.
If you agree, that is your opinion.
If you disagree, that is your opinion too.
FINAL THOUGHT
An opinion can open a conversation or close one. Much depends upon whether we offer it as a contribution, use it as a weapon or allow it to become an invitation to understand another point of view.
PEARLS INSIGHT (SEO)
Healthy disagreement requires open-minded communication, respectful listening and the willingness to separate a person from the opinion being discussed. We do not have to agree with someone to understand how that person arrived at a different point of view.
PEARLS FROM THE BOOKS
Wisdom is not proven by having an opinion about everything. Sometimes it is revealed by listening, learning and being willing to say, “I don’t know.”
PEARLS CONNECTION
The next time an opposing opinion appears, pause before defending your position. Ask one sincere question: “What helped you arrive at that point of view?” The answer may teach you something about the subject—and the person.
RICHIE SPEAKS
You do not have to surrender your opinion to make room for someone else’s. There is enough room in a healthy conversation for both people to remain present.
FINAL SAY
Everyone has an opinion. Not everyone has learned how to handle one.
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
Website: https://pearlsforthesoul.com
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