Sometimes another person can see us more clearly than we can see ourselves.
That is where FEEDBACK & INPUT can become priceless.
PAUSE.
The trick is knowing how to give it…
and having enough humility to receive it.
I am speaking about FEEDBACK & INPUT and how beneficial those two things can be when properly applied.
However…
they are not always welcomed.
LOL.
Sometimes the person giving the feedback cannot wait to download everything they have noticed about you.
Meanwhile, you may not have ordered the download.
In the personal world, permission matters.
If someone wants to share something about YOU, it is respectful to first ask:
“Would you like some feedback?”
If the answer is yes…
proceed.
If the answer is no…
well…
that is life.
In the professional world, we formalize the same process and call it:
PERFORMANCE REVIEWS.
MAKE IT COUNT…CHECK YOUR MOTIVES
Feedback is one of the greatest growth tools available to us.
It can enhance a person.
Improve performance.
Strengthen relationships.
Increase awareness.
Correct habits.
Even become a change agent for the good.
But motives matter.
I am not talking about:
harassing,
criticizing,
judging,
belittling,
or taking somebody apart for entertainment.
That is not feedback.
That is somebody unloading themselves on somebody else.
LOL.
Before giving input, check the motive.
Am I trying to HELP?
Am I trying to CLARIFY?
Am I trying to support growth?
Or am I simply irritated and looking for a target?
Feedback given with the wrong motive can injure.
Feedback given with the right motive can awaken.
WE ARE BORN TO USE THESE THINGS
There are people who honestly do not know how they sound.
They may not know how they come across.
They may not notice their facial expressions.
Their tone.
Their posture.
Their timing.
Their mannerisms.
Their habits.
We come into this world and almost immediately begin receiving input.
Sit up.
Slow down.
Say thank you.
Look both ways.
Do not hit your brother.
LOL.
Children receive feedback continuously because they are learning how to navigate the world.
And they need it.
So do adults.
The difference is that adults sometimes decide they are FINISHED being taught.
That can become expensive.
IT IS PART OF OUR PSYCHE
Where did we begin minimizing feedback?
When did we decide that correction automatically meant criticism?
There is hardly a person alive who does not want to improve something about themselves.
Think about how much money people collectively spend on:
diets,
exercise,
counseling,
therapy,
education,
coaching,
self-awareness programs,
communication training,
books,
seminars,
and professional development.
What are we often paying for?
FEEDBACK & INPUT.
Someone is helping us see something we could not see clearly enough by ourselves.
That is valuable.
IF IT IS FOR YOU…GREAT
IF NOT…FINE
Here is another Richie rule.
Do not automatically ARGUE with feedback.
Especially personal feedback.
If somebody says:
“You seem tense today.”
You may disagree.
Fine.
But why fight them over what THEY experienced?
LOL.
Just receive it.
Consider it.
Maybe it applies.
Maybe it does not.
Maybe ten people have quietly noticed the same thing and this person finally had enough courage to mention it.
Thank them.
Then examine it.
Keep what is useful.
Discard what is not.
Professional feedback works much the same way, although some changes may be required because performance standards are involved.
Listen.
Separate emotion from information.
Make the adjustments that improve the work.
FEEDBACK IS A MIRROR
This may be the simplest way to look at it.
Feedback is a mirror somebody else temporarily holds up for you.
Now…
the mirror may not always be perfect.
LOL.
Their perception has filters too.
But sometimes another person sees:
your blind spot,
your strength,
your nervous habit,
your gift,
your tone,
your improvement,
or your potential…
long before YOU do.
That is why feedback should not only focus on what needs fixing.
Tell people what they are doing RIGHT too.
“You handle people very well.”
“You have a gift for explaining things.”
“You become very calm when everybody else panics.”
“You should do more of that.”
That too is feedback.
And sometimes that one observation sends somebody toward their calling.
I USE ROLE PLAY TOO
Role playing can be a powerful way to give feedback.
Instead of merely telling somebody what they are doing…
SHOW them.
Imitate the posture.
Repeat the tone.
Demonstrate the mannerism.
Let them see what you are seeing.
This can register quickly.
One of my favorites involves people who unknowingly hold their faces too tight.
I frown.
They notice.
Then suddenly…
they relax.
LOL.
Smiling works too.
Body position.
Tone.
Speed of speech.
Eye contact.
Sometimes seeing yourself reflected through another person produces an immediate awareness that fifty paragraphs of explanation could not accomplish.
RICHIE SPEAKS
Here is one Richie rule:
If somebody sees something in you that you cannot see…
at least LOOK.
You do not have to automatically agree.
Just look.
Another:
Feedback is not a command.
It is information.
And one more:
If everybody keeps telling you the same thing…
you may want to stop blaming everybody.
LOL.
PEARLS FROM THE BOOKS
From the spirit of Pearls for the Soul:
“Another person may hold the mirror, but you decide what to do with the reflection.”
From the spirit of God I AM:
“Awareness grows when truth is welcomed instead of defended against.”
From the spirit of It Is Finished:
“Correction becomes freedom when we stop treating every observation as an attack.”
PEARLS INSIGHT
Feedback and input are essential tools for self-awareness, personal growth, communication, and professional development.
Healthy feedback is most useful when it is specific, respectful, timely, and offered with constructive motives.
The receiver also has responsibility.
Listen without immediately defending.
Examine what applies.
Make adjustments when appropriate.
And remember that feedback can reveal strengths just as powerfully as weaknesses.
PEARLS CONNECTION
This connects directly with PERSPECTIVE — COMMUNICATING YOURS AND UNDERSTANDING THEIRS.
Perspective lets us see through another person’s eyes.
Feedback tells us what they saw when they looked at US.
It also connects with YOU GOT MY FULL ATTENTION.
You cannot benefit from feedback if you are already preparing your defense while the other person is still talking.
Listening comes first.
FINAL SAY
Feedback & Input…
may yours come…
and KEEP COMING.
Not every observation will be correct.
Not every opinion belongs to you.
Not every person deserves unlimited access to your life.
But do not close the door completely.
Sometimes somebody standing outside of you can see the thing you have been standing too close to notice.
Receive it.
Examine it.
Use what helps.
Thank the person.
Then continue becoming more aware of yourself.
After all…
there may be something about YOU that everybody sees…
except YOU.
LOL.
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
https://pearlsforthesoul.com
Been expecting you