Agreement is not the admission price for respect.
We can hold different beliefs, listen without surrendering ourselves and still enjoy the person sitting across from us.
Why does arguing become such a major player when we are getting to know someone—or something?
Our beliefs meet something different, new or opposing.
Then, to validate ourselves and protect the ego’s need to be right, we proclaim the other person wrong.
We possess the ability to navigate differences, rise above them and even grow through them.
So, what is the problem?
YOU ARE!
Well—not always entirely.
But your part belongs to you.
You cannot control another person’s beliefs, tone or behavior. You can control how you participate, what you permit and when you leave.
Respecting someone’s humanity does not require surrendering your convictions.
Perhaps we should seek common ground.
Acceptance?
Care?
Or at least enough peace to finish the coffee.
PERSONAL TRUTH
Everyone experiences life through a personal lens.
“I’m cold.”
“You’re hot.”
“I’m hungry.”
“You’re not.”
Those experiences are not improved by an argument.
“I like red.”
“You like green.”
There is no crisis here.
We are personal beings with different histories, preferences and sensitivities.
Feelings and preferences can be personally true without becoming universal rules.
Factual claims are different. They can be questioned and tested.
The challenge is learning when we are discussing a feeling, expressing an opinion or making a claim that requires evidence.
Not every difference needs a courtroom.
OPINIONS CAN DISRUPT
If an opinion is requested or appropriate, share it.
If you become forceful, unrelenting and aggressive, you are out of line.
An opinion does not become more accurate because it is louder.
This also includes the secret judgments we carry about other people.
A hidden agenda eventually leaks through tone, expression or conduct.
WORTHY NOTE: If you possess light, use it. Why carry a secret agenda into a room that needs honesty?
WHY IS LISTENING SO HARD?
Listening itself is not hard.
We make it hard when we subtract from what someone said, add what they never said, dismiss them, interrupt or display the famous deer-in-the-headlights expression.
Some subjects will not appeal to you.
That is allowed.
But there is still a decent way to handle the situation.
EXCUSE ME, PLEASE
As an example, I do not enjoy dirty jokes, sexual innuendo or certain public behavior.
I live and travel accordingly.
If I meet someone who enjoys those things, I do not have to engage.
If it is suddenly introduced into the conversation, I can simply say:
“Not interested. Excuse me.”
Bye-bye.
I do not need to argue, correct or pretend interest.
That is how I disagree without becoming disagreeable.
We all have subjects we find distasteful.
A boundary communicates where you stand without requiring the other person to be defeated.
GRANTING LISTENING PRIVILEGES
When I choose to listen, I allow the person to finish sharing.
Then I may or may not have something to say.
If I want to respond, I may first ask whether they are open to hearing another view.
Condemnation, humiliation, judgment and disrespect create trouble when unleashed.
This is where we take an accounting of ourselves—not merely the other person.
Did I listen?
Did I understand?
Did I respond to what was actually said?
Or did I fight a speech I prepared before they finished?
WORTHY NOTE: Watch for conversations designed to pull you into argument, dysfunction and negativity. If the trap begins closing, step out. You can do this.
PEOPLE ARE INTERESTING
You never completely know what lives inside another person until something emerges through words or conduct.
Human beings cover a broad spectrum:
Bizarre.
Interesting.
Troubled.
Fascinating.
Tell me more.
Please tell me less.
LOL.
You decide whether to engage, navigate the exchange or go your merry way.
Curiosity is valuable.
So is discernment.
NEUTRAL GROUND
A smile, common respect and reasonable allowance can travel a long way without causing trouble.
Remember:
People change.
What bothered you during one meeting may no longer exist when you meet again.
Or perhaps you will have changed enough to understand it differently.
Do not freeze someone permanently inside one conversation when life may still be working on both of you.
WORTHY NOTE: What you brew today, you may drink tomorrow. Reflect upon the ingredients.
WHEN AGREEMENT MATTERS
Not every disagreement is harmless.
Some decisions affect safety, finances, children, health or shared responsibilities.
In those cases, agreement—or at least a workable understanding—may be necessary before proceeding.
Respect does not require pretending serious differences do not matter.
It requires addressing them honestly without dehumanizing the person involved.
Sometimes common ground is found.
Sometimes a boundary is established.
Sometimes two people must travel separately.
All three can occur without hatred.
PAUSE FOR CAUSE
You can reject an opinion without rejecting the entire person.
You can also respect a person without granting every opinion equal value.
SHARPEN YOURSELF
Enter the people arena.
Learn—and unlearn—about yourself, others and the mysteries of life.
Different people reveal parts of us that agreement never reaches.
They show us where we are patient.
Where we are defensive.
Where we are secure.
Where the ego still wants a trophy.
Iron can sharpen iron without trying to destroy it.
PEARLS INSIGHT
Respectful disagreement protects both truth and relationship.
It allows people to examine ideas without turning differences into personal warfare. Listening does not equal agreement; it proves only that another person was permitted to finish being heard.
RICHIE SPEAKS
You do not need to win every conversation.
Some conversations are not contests until you bring the scoreboard.
Put it away.
Relax.
Listen.
Enjoy the person.
FINAL SAY
Know what you believe.
Remain willing to learn.
Ask questions without constructing traps.
Set boundaries without delivering unnecessary punishment.
Walk away when the exchange becomes unhealthy.
Agreement is welcome—but respect should not have to wait for it.
We do not have to agree.
But please—
Don’t argue.
Just enjoy.
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
https://pearlsforthesoul.com
Been expecting you