One day you wake up…
and something inside says:
I WANT SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
Different car.
Different trip.
Different experience.
Different way of living.
Is it a crisis?
Or is it life asking for another look?
A man wakes up one day and suddenly wants to do something different from his normal routine.
Maybe it is:
a bucket-list item,
something he skipped when younger,
a trip,
a hobby,
a car,
a different look,
or simply the desire to feel ALIVE in a different way.
People often call this a MID-LIFE CRISIS.
Sometimes it becomes one.
But sometimes…
I wonder whether it is really a crisis at all.
Maybe it is a MID-LIFE REVIEW.
PAUSE FOR CAUSE.
There is a difference.
A crisis says:
BLOW EVERYTHING UP.
A review says:
WHERE AM I?
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
WHAT HAVE I MISSED?
WHAT DO I STILL WANT TO EXPERIENCE?
Those are not crazy questions.
Those are life questions.
NO RESPECTER OF GENDER EITHER
Men do not own this territory.
Women reach major transitions too.
One important difference is that menopause is a real biological transition involving hormonal changes.
But the emotional and personal questions surrounding this stage of life can go much wider than biology.
Who am I now?
What do I want?
What am I no longer willing to tolerate?
Where did all those years go?
What happened to the things I postponed?
Those questions can show up in men and women alike.
And sometimes people around them are caught completely off guard.
WORTHY NOTE
I used to joke that women experience:
MEN-A-PAUSE.
In other words…
sometimes MEN need to PAUSE.
LOL.
But beneath the joke is something real.
Many people reach a point where they become much more willing to:
speak plainly,
set boundaries,
make decisions,
change routines,
and stop asking permission for every little thing.
That can surprise the people around them.
Especially the ones who preferred the OLD arrangement.
LOL.
ALFA ROMEO
Now let me tell you how this visited me.
I got married at 19.
Then I worked.
And worked.
And worked.
I am not complaining.
I chose responsibility and stayed pretty close to the narrow road.
Then one day…
somewhere in the middle of life…
I wanted an ALFA ROMEO.
Not later.
Not someday.
NOWWWW.
LOL.
An Alfa Romeo.
The little Italian sports car.
Convertible.
Two seats.
Fun.
That was it.
The idea got into me.
And apparently…
it had no intention of leaving.
MAN OH MAN
That car fit like a glove.
Small.
Responsive.
Quick enough to make you smile.
Two comfortable seats.
Convertible top.
Mine was white with a tan leather interior.
When you started it…
it PURRED.
And once moving…
it felt like the car wanted to participate in the whole experience.
Now we were talking.
Of course the car needed music.
Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.
Motown.
The appropriate tapes.
Yes…
TAPES.
No CDs yet.
That tells you how long ago this was.
LOL.
OH WHAT FUN
Then I completed the uniform.
White warm winter coat.
White gloves.
White sports cap.
Top DOWN.
Music UP.
And off I went.
What happened next fascinated me.
People would:
look,
smile,
wave,
honk,
give thumbs-up.
Why?
I was not doing anything extraordinary.
I was simply enjoying myself completely.
Maybe THAT was what they saw.
JOY is visible.
People recognize it.
SORRY TO DISAPPOINT HERE
Now some people hear:
MID-LIFE CRISIS
and immediately imagine:
new sports car,
new wardrobe,
new girlfriend,
bad decisions,
life blown apart.
Sorry to disappoint.
NO.
I did not chase girls.
I was happy with my wife.
My hormones apparently wanted the ALFA…
not a new relationship.
LOL.
The Alfa gave me something different.
Freedom.
Reflection.
Movement.
Fun.
I would drive for long distances and think about life from all angles.
It became almost therapeutic.
A meditation with wheels.
Weekend after weekend…
off I went.
And here is the best part:
MY WIFE LOVED IT TOO.
We drove down the coast on warm sunny days.
Stopped for snacks.
Took breaks.
She wore a head scarf and gloves.
Very stylish.
And yes…
she drove the Alfa too.
So apparently my crisis had a passenger seat.
LOL.
DAWN…GO AWAY I’M NO GOOD FOR YOU
Now add Frankie Valli.
If you have ever tried singing along with the Four Seasons…
you know something.
IT IS HARDER THAN IT SOUNDS.
Those falsettos?
Forget it.
Every once in a while I would be singing away…
feeling pretty good about myself…
then turn the music DOWN to see whether I was actually on key.
NOT.
LOL.
So I let Frankie take the lead.
Smart move.
Rag Doll.
Dawn.
Let’s Hang On.
Who Loves You.
Beggin’.
I supplied enthusiasm.
Frankie supplied the talent.
That arrangement worked beautifully.
THE ALFA DOES THIS TO YOU
My daughter was in high school at the time.
Naturally…
she wanted to borrow the Alfa.
Begged.
Eventually…
I let her.
One day somebody at work came up to me.
“Do you own a white Alfa?”
YES, sez I.
“Don’t you have a teenage daughter?”
YES, sez I.
“Well…
she passed me doing about 90.”
PAUSE FOR CAUSE.
That will get a father’s attention.
LOL.
You see…
the Alfa had an effect on different people.
For me:
reflection.
For my wife:
fun.
For my daughter:
apparently preparation for the Indianapolis 500.
LOL.
The Alfa came home.
The teenage driving privilege did NOT.
A sports car in the hands of an inexperienced teenage driver can become a serious safety problem very quickly.
Dad stepped in.
End of discussion.
SO WAS IT A CRISIS?
Looking back…
I do not think mine was much of a crisis.
I did not destroy anything.
I did not abandon responsibility.
I did not hurt anybody.
I did not blow up my marriage.
I bought a car.
I had fun.
I reflected.
My wife joined me.
I made memories.
That sounds less like a crisis…
and more like a REBALANCING.
Maybe that is the more useful way to look at many mid-life episodes.
Something inside says:
YOU HAVE BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR A LONG TIME.
NOW REMEMBER TO LIVE TOO.
WHEN DOES IT BECOME A CRISIS?
Here is where the word CRISIS earns its keep.
When the urge for change turns into:
recklessness,
financial destruction,
betrayal,
abandoning responsibilities,
dangerous behavior,
or trying to erase an entire life overnight…
now we have a problem.
Wanting change is not the crisis.
Losing judgment can be.
There is a big difference between:
I WANT SOMETHING NEW
and
I WANT TO DESTROY EVERYTHING OLD.
One can refresh a life.
The other can wreck one.
MID-LIFE CAN BE A CHECKPOINT
Perhaps the better question is:
WHAT IS THIS STAGE TRYING TO TELL ME?
Maybe:
I need more fun.
I need rest.
I need challenge.
I need better health.
I need more time with my spouse.
I need adventure.
I need to finish something I postponed.
I need to stop living entirely for everybody else.
Those are worth examining.
Do not immediately label every new desire as foolish.
Inspect it.
Some of it may be exactly what you need.
RICHIE SPEAKS
Here is one Richie rule:
Do not confuse wanting to feel alive with wanting to destroy your life.
Another:
A new sports car is cheaper than a new identity.
LOL.
And one more:
Sometimes mid-life does not say:
RUN AWAY.
It says:
WAKE UP.
PEARLS FROM THE BOOKS
From the spirit of Pearls for the Soul:
“Life sometimes asks for renewal before it asks for change.”
From the spirit of God I AM:
“What still calls to you may deserve examination before dismissal.”
From the spirit of It Is Finished:
“Release what no longer serves the journey without destroying what still deserves your care.”
PEARLS INSIGHT
“Mid-life crisis” is a popular phrase, but not everyone experiences one.
For many people, mid-life is better understood as a transition or period of reassessment.
People may review:
identity,
relationships,
health,
career,
aging,
regrets,
and unrealized goals.
That can produce healthy change when handled with judgment.
The goal is not to fear the transition.
It is to recognize the difference between:
RENEWAL
and
RECKLESSNESS.
PEARLS CONNECTION
This connects directly with WANTING TO RISE, CLIMB AND GET AHEAD…ALL OF US.
Growth does not stop because youth did.
It also connects with WHAT’S THE HURRY?…RELAX WILL YOU.
Sometimes slowing down reveals what has been ignored.
And IF YOU ARE NOT LAUGHING…YOU MAY BE TAKING LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY reminds us that responsible living still needs room for FUN.
FINAL SAY
So what is a mid-life crisis?
Sometimes…
it really is a crisis.
But sometimes it is simply a person reaching a life checkpoint and saying:
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT ABOUT ME?
WHAT DO I STILL WANT TO DO?
WHAT HAVE I BEEN PUTTING OFF?
Those questions are not dangerous.
Ignoring them completely may be.
The solution is not to blow up your life.
It is to LISTEN.
Maybe you need:
a trip,
a hobby,
a new goal,
more freedom,
more laughter,
more time with the person you love…
or perhaps…
a white Alfa Romeo with tan leather seats.
LOL.
Mine worked pretty well.
And for a while…
Frankie Valli rode with me everywhere.
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
https://pearlsforthesoul.com
Been expecting you