“How are you?”
“Fine.”
“How are you?”
“Fine.”
We can do that all day and never really talk to anybody.
Try this instead:
HOW YA FEELING?
Now you may actually get an answer.
If you want to get to know somebody a little faster, stop asking only:
HOW ARE YOU?
You already know how that usually goes.
“How are you?”
“Fine.”
“And you?”
“Fine.”
Conversation completed.
Nothing wrong with it.
It is polite.
It acknowledges the other person.
But most of the time, neither person expects a real answer.
It has become almost automatic.
So I started experimenting with something slightly different.
HOW YA FEELING?
And I discovered something.
People ANSWER that question.
CONNECTION
There is a difference between exchanging words and having a conversation.
One is routine.
The other creates connection.
When you ask somebody how they are FEELING, you move the conversation slightly inward.
Not dramatically.
Not into therapy.
Just enough to give the other person permission to say something real.
That can change the whole interaction.
REAL ESTATE TAUGHT ME THIS
As a real estate agent, relationships matter.
People need to know you.
Trust you.
Remember you.
Feel comfortable talking with you.
Too many salespeople fall into what I call:
TELL AND SELL.
Tell them everything.
Sell them something.
Move on.
Maybe that works sometimes.
But I always preferred conversation.
People first.
Business second.
Because people do business with people.
And ordinary human interaction often opens doors that polished sales language never will.
I REMEMBER YOU
Think about the people you remember.
Often it is not because they gave you the most information.
It is because something about the interaction felt different.
They listened.
They asked a good question.
They made you laugh.
They remembered something.
They made you feel seen.
That sticks.
A short conversation with some depth can be more memorable than a long presentation with none.
SO I STARTED ASKING
Lately, after someone greets me, if the situation feels right, I ask:
HOW YA FEELING?
And I have received all kinds of answers.
Some serious.
Some funny.
Some suspicious.
Some revealing.
For example:
“Do I look bad?”
“How did you know?”
“I just got over something.”
“Why are you asking me that?”
“I feel fine.”
“Thank you, Doctor.”
“Terrible. I just came back from…”
“I am not awake yet.”
“Better than yesterday.”
And on and on.
Now we have something.
A conversation has actually started.
WORDS CHANGE THE DOORWAY
“How are you?” often asks for a social answer.
“How are you feeling?” can ask for a human one.
Small difference.
Different doorway.
One usually gets:
FINE.
The other may get:
TIRED.
GOOD.
NERVOUS.
EXCITED.
ROUGH DAY.
BETTER.
HUNGRY.
HAPPY.
CONFUSED.
Now you know a little more about the person standing in front of you.
BUT BE READY FOR THE ANSWER
There is a catch.
Do not ask a more personal question if you have no intention of listening.
That is worse than not asking at all.
If somebody says:
“Actually, I’m having a terrible day.”
And your response is:
“Great! Anyway, let me tell you about my listing…”
You missed the whole point.
Connection requires attention.
You do not need to solve the person’s life.
Sometimes the appropriate response is simply:
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
Or:
“I hope things improve.”
Or:
“Tell me about it.”
If the situation and relationship allow.
DON’T TURN IT INTO AN INTERROGATION
There is another side to this.
Not everyone wants to tell you how they feel.
Respect that.
Somebody may say:
“Fine.”
Good.
Take the answer.
They may joke.
Laugh with them.
They may change the subject.
Let them.
The goal is not to pry.
The goal is to create a little more opportunity for real conversation.
Connection offered.
Not connection forced.
PEOPLE REMEMBER INTEREST
One thing I learned in business is that people can tell whether you are actually interested in them.
There is a difference between:
“What do you do?”
because you are looking for a sales opening…
and:
“What do you do?”
because you are genuinely curious.
Same words.
Different energy.
People feel the difference.
Genuine curiosity is difficult to fake for very long.
LISTEN FOR SOMETHING TO REMEMBER
A good conversation gives you little pieces of information.
They are moving next month.
Their daughter started college.
They just got back from vacation.
They are training for a race.
They are worried about a parent.
They have been looking for a home.
You do not need to collect this like intelligence.
Just listen.
Then if you see them again and remember:
“How did your daughter’s first semester go?”
Now THAT person knows you listened.
That is connection.
BUSINESS CAN COME LATER
Maybe the person becomes a client.
Maybe they do not.
Maybe they become a friend.
Maybe you never see them again.
That is okay.
Not every conversation needs to become a transaction.
Ironically, when people stop feeling like targets, they often become more comfortable doing business with you.
Why?
Because they met the person before they met the salesperson.
MAKE YOUR MEET-AND-GREETS MEMORABLE
I like to leave little marks on interactions.
Nothing dramatic.
A little humor.
An unusual question.
A sincere observation.
Something that makes the exchange less mechanical.
Most people encounter hundreds of routine greetings.
So when somebody asks something a little different…
You notice.
Maybe they remember you.
Maybe you remember them.
Maybe something develops from it.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
Try it sometime.
Not everywhere.
Not mechanically.
Not as a trick.
Use judgment.
But when the moment fits, instead of:
“How are you?”
Try:
“How ya feeling?”
Then stop talking.
That last part matters.
Give them room to answer.
FINAL THOUGHT
The world does not suffer from a shortage of words.
It may suffer from a shortage of real conversation.
A small change in the question can create a different kind of answer.
So next time somebody says:
“Hey, how are you?”
Maybe smile and ask:
HOW YA FEELING?
You may get:
“Fine.”
Or…
You may actually meet somebody.
PEARLS INSIGHT
Meaningful conversation often begins when questions invite more than automatic social responses. Open-ended, slightly more personal greetings can create connection when they are used with genuine curiosity, appropriate boundaries, and a willingness to listen. The value is not in the wording alone; it is in paying attention to the person who answers.
PEARLS FROM THE BOOKS
A recurring idea throughout Pearls for the Soul is that people are not background scenery.
They are participants in the journey.
Sometimes connection starts with something very small:
A look.
A greeting.
A question.
Then the important part:
LISTENING TO THE ANSWER.
PEARLS CONNECTION
This Pearl connects directly with:
HOW TO GET GOOD AT IGNORING PEOPLE
and
LEND EVERYONE YOUR EAR BUT NOT YOUR MOUTH
The first says:
ACKNOWLEDGE PEOPLE.
The second says:
LISTEN.
This Pearl sits right between them:
ASK SOMETHING WORTH ANSWERING.
Then give the other person room to speak.
RICHIE SPEAKS
“How are you?”
“Fine.”
Boring.
Try this:
HOW YA FEELING?
Now pay attention.
You may hear something funny.
Something honest.
Something unexpected.
Maybe you find a friend.
Maybe a client.
Maybe both.
But don’t ask unless you’re willing to hear the answer.
Hey…
HOW YA FEELING?
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
pearlsforthesoul.com
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