IN SEEKING CUPID DON’T BE STUPID
If someone says:
“IF YOU LOVE ME…PROVE IT.”
That is not proof of love.
That is pressure.
Your body, your boundaries, your timing.
LISTEN UP.
Teenage girls…
this one is for you.
If you are in:
middle school,
junior high,
or high school…
there is absolutely nothing wrong with deciding:
I AM NOT READY FOR SEX.
In fact…
you do not need to explain yourself beyond that.
You do not owe anybody access to your body because:
they like you,
you like them,
you are dating,
everybody else supposedly does it,
or somebody tells you:
IF YOU LOVED ME…
YOU WOULD.
No.
Love does not require proof through pressure.
PAUSE FOR CAUSE.
Someone who respects you…
respects your NO.
BOYS DO NOT ALL THINK ALIKE
I want to improve something from the way I first wrote this years ago.
Not every boy is trying to use a girl.
Not every boy is dishonest.
Not every relationship is the same.
But some teenagers…
boys or girls…
can be immature,
impulsive,
pressuring,
or careless with another person’s feelings.
That is why YOU need your own standards.
Do not hand somebody else responsibility for deciding what happens to you.
Make your decision before the emotional moment arrives.
That gives you strength.
PRESSURE IS NOT LOVE
Watch for phrases like:
EVERYBODY DOES IT.
DON’T YOU TRUST ME?
IF YOU REALLY LOVED ME…
YOU’RE BEING A BABY.
I’LL LEAVE YOU IF YOU DON’T.
Those are not expressions of love.
They are attempts to influence your decision.
A caring person can be disappointed…
and still respect your boundary.
That is the difference.
RESPECT SHOULD SURVIVE THE WORD “NO”
This is an important test.
Say:
NO.
Or:
NOT NOW.
Or:
I’M NOT READY.
Then watch what happens.
Do they:
respect it?
stay kind?
change the subject?
remain your friend?
Good.
Or do they:
argue,
sulk,
threaten,
guilt you,
mock you,
or keep asking?
Now you have learned something important about the relationship.
PRACTICE SELF-ESTEEM
Self-esteem means more than thinking highly of yourself.
It means protecting yourself when pressure shows up.
It means being able to say:
I WANT MORE TIME.
I WANT TO THINK.
I AM NOT READY.
THIS DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT.
It also means not making life-changing decisions because you are afraid somebody will stop liking you.
Anybody who disappears because you protected your boundary…
gave you useful information.
LET THEM GO.
LOL.
SEX CAN CARRY REAL CONSEQUENCES
Sex is not just another social activity.
It can involve:
pregnancy,
sexually transmitted infections,
emotional attachment,
relationship conflict,
regret,
pressure,
and questions about consent and readiness.
That does not make sex bad.
It makes it IMPORTANT.
Important things deserve thought.
Not panic.
Not shame.
Not pressure.
Thought.
IF YOU ALREADY DID…YOU ARE NOT RUINED
Now this matters.
If you have already had sex…
I am NOT telling you that you are damaged.
I am NOT telling you that your future is spoiled.
And I am certainly not telling you to hate yourself.
No.
You can stop.
You can change your mind.
You can make different decisions tomorrow than you made yesterday.
That is called growing.
If you feel pressured, frightened, confused, or worried about pregnancy or infection…
talk to a trusted adult, parent, doctor, nurse, counselor, or another responsible person who can actually help you.
Do not sit alone with fear.
START AGAIN FROM HERE
Maybe you made a decision you now regret.
Fine.
Learn.
Adjust.
Move forward.
Put your attention back on:
school,
friends,
sports,
work,
college plans,
skills,
creative interests,
family,
and learning who YOU are.
You have plenty of life ahead.
There is no prize for rushing into adult experiences before you are ready.
GET TO KNOW YOURSELF FIRST
Before becoming deeply involved with another person…
learn something about yourself.
What are your values?
What are your boundaries?
What do you want?
What do you refuse?
What makes you uncomfortable?
What does respect look like to you?
Those answers matter.
Because if YOU do not know your limits…
other people may try to define them for you.
CONSENT HAS TO BE REAL
Consent is not:
being worn down,
being afraid to say no,
being pressured,
being threatened,
being intoxicated,
or feeling like you owe somebody.
Consent should be:
freely given,
clear,
and able to be withdrawn.
You can change your mind.
Even if you said yes earlier.
Even if you have done something before.
Even if you are dating the person.
Your boundary still belongs to you.
LOVE IS BIGGER THAN SEX
This is the heart of my original message.
Being:
loved,
accepted,
respected,
cherished,
valued,
and sought after
is NOT the same thing as agreeing to sex.
Real affection shows itself through:
patience,
kindness,
honesty,
respect,
consistency,
and care.
Sex cannot manufacture those qualities.
If they are missing before…
sex will not magically install them afterward.
THAT is worth remembering.
OTHER PEOPLE’S GOSSIP DOES NOT DEFINE YOU
I also want to correct another old way of saying this.
Do not make decisions because you are afraid other girls will talk about you.
People gossip.
Teenagers gossip.
Adults gossip too.
LOL.
Your worth is not determined by:
rumors,
reputation games,
or what somebody says in a hallway.
Make decisions because they are right for YOU.
Not because you are trying to avoid somebody else’s judgment.
That is stronger.
PARENTS…THE MESSAGE MUST ARRIVE EARLY
Parents…
we cannot wait until after the pressure starts.
Talk to your daughters.
Talk to your sons too.
Do not only say:
DON’T DO IT.
Explain:
consent,
boundaries,
respect,
pregnancy prevention,
STI prevention,
emotional readiness,
digital pressure,
and how to leave an unsafe situation.
And make sure they know something else:
IF SOMETHING HAPPENS…
COME TO ME.
Fear should not block communication.
Young people need adults who can tell the truth without making them afraid to ask for help.
BOYS NEED THIS MESSAGE TOO
Boys need to hear:
NO MEANS NO.
Pressure is not romance.
Persistence after a boundary is not charming.
Respecting someone’s decision is part of becoming a good man.
And your own boundaries matter too.
This is not simply a girls’ issue.
It is a HUMAN issue.
RICHIE SPEAKS
Here is one Richie rule:
You never owe somebody your body in exchange for affection.
Another:
Anybody who truly cares about you can survive hearing the word NO.
And one more:
Do not rush into tomorrow’s experiences just because somebody is impatient today.
PEARLS FROM THE BOOKS
From the spirit of Pearls for the Soul:
“Self-respect becomes visible when your decisions still belong to you under pressure.”
From the spirit of God I AM:
“What is valuable does not need to be surrendered merely to prove that it has value.”
From the spirit of When Will Men Come Back Again?:
“Respect between men and women begins where pressure ends and responsibility begins.”
PEARLS INSIGHT
Teen decisions about sex are healthiest when they are based on:
readiness,
clear consent,
accurate information,
personal values,
and freedom from pressure.
Shame is not a useful teacher.
Neither is fear.
What helps is:
education,
communication,
boundaries,
trusted adults,
and respect.
PEARLS CONNECTION
This connects directly with PRACTICE SELF-ESTEEM.
Self-respect is not a slogan.
It shows up in decisions.
It also connects with CAN YOU DISAGREE AND NOT ARGUE?
A person should be able to hear:
NO
without turning it into conflict.
And RAPPORT OPENS ALL DOORS…FOR US TO WALK THROUGH reminds us that healthy relationships require trust and mutual respect before intimacy.
FINAL SAY
Teenage girls…
you have time.
Plenty of it.
You do not have to rush.
You do not have to prove anything.
You do not have to follow what your friends are doing.
You do not have to keep somebody interested by giving up a boundary.
And you do not have to hate yourself if you already made a choice you would make differently today.
Learn.
Reset.
Protect yourself.
Ask questions.
Talk to adults you trust.
Know your own values.
Then make decisions that still feel right when nobody else is standing beside you.
Being loved…
accepted…
respected…
cherished…
and valued
has nothing to do with being pressured into sex.
Love does not demand proof that way.
Respect waits.
Respect listens.
Respect accepts:
NO.
— Richie
Pearls for the Soul
when you feed the soul, you feed everything.
https://pearlsforthesoul.com
Been expecting you